Category Archives: Beach

Reverb12: Day Three

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reverb12

Remember

The full prompt from Linar Studio: “What is one thing you did this year you think you’ll remember for the rest of your life?”

The last trip I took to the beach with my sweet Dexter. When we got back to Colorado after a month in Waldport, he was diagnosed with a fatal cancer, given a very short time to live. By some freak miracle, he’s still here, but we will never take that trip again, never spend weeks at a time talking long walks on the beach followed by long naps and then another walk. I will always remember how much he hated that long drive, two days in the car, how this last time he shook and panted and whined, but when we arrived, he knew just where we were and was so happy. I will always remember how he rolled in seal poop and how bad it smelled, how excited he was to find a tennis ball and a frisbee on the beach (“what?! free toys?!”), how he played and played, ran and ran. I will never forget that’s the first place he had a bloody nose, a reverse sneeze–the first signs of the cancer.

Dexter embraces his gray hair.

Storm

The full prompt from Besottment: “What storm did you weather in 2012? Big or small… obstacle(s) did you overcome? Feel free to be literal if you prefer… was there an actual storm that you survived?”

There were private storms, things I can’t really talk about here, don’t ever talk about here, ugliness that goes on “behind the scenes.” What I can tell you is how hard it is to love someone so much, to want what is best for them, but have to stand by, helpless and hopeless, watching them fail, struggle, and suffer. I’ve had to realize, accept that I can’t force anyone to change, and that I also can’t love them enough that they’ll want to change.

Year in Review

The full prompt is from Carolyn Rubenstein’s Reverb11 list: “As you reflect back on the happenings of 2011, what were your high points and what were your low points? What do you notice as you look back on the year as a whole?”

The Good

The Bad and The Ugly

  • Dexter was diagnosed with fatal cancer, and has had a few related issues that were pretty scary and sad.
  • A cancer scare of my own.
  • An ongoing struggle with being a highly functioning food addict.
  • Fatigue.
  • From time to time, I really struggled with my meditation practice.
  • Our washing machine died.
  • Some stuff I don’t even want to talk about here.

You know what I notice as I look back over the last year, kind and gentle reader? It was a great year, I have a lot to be grateful for and am so lucky.

What do you really wish for?

The full prompt, from Cam of Curly Pops and Kat at I Saw You Dancing: “Imagine a scenario where you only had one year left to live. What is one thing that you really wish to do that you just haven’t had the chance to accomplish yet? what steps could you take (however small) to ensure that you accomplish this thing in 2013?”

This is so hard to answer, because there are things I want to do before I die, but they might not be important enough to do if I only had a single year left. For example, I want to write a book. That matters to me, is important. I have something to say that feels like it needs to be shared.

And yet, if I only had a year left to live, I might want to spend every minute, rather than working on a big writing project, with Eric and my furry boys, with people I love, who make me laugh. Maybe get a house on the beach for four of those months, spend another four in a cabin in the mountains somewhere, and the last four in our tiny house that I love so much, doing the stuff we love to do.

Beautiful Things.

The full prompt, from Meredith’s Daily Angst: “What brought beauty into your life this year? Was it a tangible thing or something intangible?”

Gifts: little and big, received and given.

superhero earth necklace made by andrea scher, a gift to myself

superhero earth necklace made by andrea scher, a gift to myself

Connection: with all the beautiful, open-hearted, brave people I’m lucky enough to know. Long conversations about life, love, impermanence, books, eye brow waxing, and dogs. Laughter.

Time and Mindfulness: All the hours, the moments, each breath spent experiencing nature and love and joy and rest, meeting reality with an open heart.

The sky: it has been amazing this year, a real show off, every season, any time of day–or maybe I’m just now noticing it?

august18sky6

August Break: Day One

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If you’ve been reading my blog for long, you know how much I adore Susannah Conway. I am so inspired by her classes, her photography, and her writing, her way of being in the world, that I would follow her just about anywhere, take on any prompt or project she suggested.

susannah and I at her book event this summer in portland

Susannah is hosting August Break, as she’s done for the past two years, and I’m joining in. The goal is to share a picture on your blog every day of August. Other bloggers use this time to take a break from regular blogging, to look closer at their world through the camera lens as a way to be more present and relaxed, to sink into the joys of the month and savor the end of summer. I am having so much fun blogging right now, I’m not going to take a break from that, but rather add daily August Break posts, sharing with you, kind and gentle reader, “the view from here.”

The View from Here: August 1st

This is how I start every morning, at my writing desk in front of my HappyLight, window open so I can hear the birds sing once the sky gets light, with a 1/2 cup of coffee, Kashi Bar, and a banana that I’ll share later with Sam, the boy sleeping on the bed under my feet. This morning, I was a few minutes late, was in the kitchen talking to Eric, and Sam cam out to find me, let me know that he’d been waiting and I was now officially “late for work.”

I love getting up so early (most mornings), before the sun is even up, to sit in the mostly quiet and write. Sometimes what I write is total crap, a garbage dump of complaints, whining and moaning and bitching about dumb stuff, but more often it’s the bones of a blog post, or pages of a book or essay being born.

This picture shows close up what my view is like when I’m writing. The other day, I bought myself flowers to encourage myself to clean off my desk (it worked). I currently have a “thing” for owls, feel like along with dogs, they are the animal guides for my writing. The blue container holds some of Obi‘s ashes, and is next to Guanyin, also known as White Tara in Tibetan Buddhism, the goddess of mercy, compassion and action, (this particular one found at the Waldport Flea Market for one dollar, she holds a lotus blossom in her hands). At her feet are various rocks I’ve collected, one of which is roze quartz, the love stone.

Guanyin stands in front of a post card of Susannah’s and a picture I originally framed for my grandma (she’s since passed, so I have it again) which includes a bible verse about rejoicing and being glad in this day, and there is my World Domination Summit (WDS) temporary tattoo, my message from the universe by way of Andrea Scher, a take-way from Cynthia Morris‘s WDS workshop which reads “claim your AUTHORity now” and postcard from Patti Digh where she holds a rock that says “I dare you.” Behind that, where you almost can’t see it, is a jar of sand from Waldport Beach. There are other things you can’t see in this particular image, like the picture of Obi or the one of my nieces on the beach, or the piece of art from my first heART exchange swap partner. All of these things inspire me, remind me of my intention to write.

After I write, I turn on my computer and do a quick check of my email, facebook, and my blog. After that, I either walk the dogs or go to yoga. This morning, it was yoga, and this was the sky outside my gym. It’s getting light later already, so I got to see some of the sunrise before I went inside.