jillsalahub

Project Reberb prompt: “Covet | What did you covet this year? Are you working towards getting that or just admiring it from afar? Is it a tangible thing or just an idea? Tell us about what you’ve got your sights on.”

I covet a certain life, a specific kind of “making a living.” People like Rachel Cole, Andrea Scher, Laurie Wagner, Susannah Conway (etc., etc. — I could list so many others) are doing it, living it. Teaching, writing, making art, coaching — doing creative and healing work that eases suffering.

It’s a blend of process and offering that lines up exactly with what I value, my mission, what works for me. You show up, practice, are in the process, allowing whatever arises, staying curious and open, telling the truth, and out of that comes something useful and helpful and sometimes even beautiful. There is ease, but it also requires bravery.

I am absolutely working towards this, every day. I practice, I study and train, I keep my heart open. The parts I can see, am sure of are the Self-Compassion Saturday ebook, the book that will come after that, at least five ecourses that are in the works, yoga teacher training which leads to a particular in person workshop I have in mind, a new puppy, a trip to the beach, more healing, clearing space.

Maybe the biggest obstacle is patience. All these things take time, energy & effort, and require that I pace myself so I don’t burn out.

After journaling about this, I pulled a tarot card. In relation to what I’d written, it made perfect sense. Nine of Wands, “Strength, Stamina, Confidence,” a card that essentially says hang in there, don’t lose faith, all your hard work is about to pay off. It was also extra sweet that the image looks sort of like a Christmas tree.

Merry, Merry, kind and gentle reader. No matter how you are spending this day, may you find peace and know love.

Project Reverb prompt: “Crazy | What one little thing drove you crazy this year? Was it unique to this past year or has it been buggin’ you for a while? How do you intend to get rid of it or resolve it in 2014?”

I’m not feeling this prompt, not today. I don’t want to talk what drives me crazy, what bothers me. Sure, I’ve got my list. I do a pretty good job of generating suffering for myself by resisting, rejecting, being irritated, worrying — maybe that’s actually the thing driving me crazy?

I’m more interested right now, especially today, in what’s made me happy, what I love, what is good in the world. One thing is this tree, one of three along the trail we walk most mornings. Every year, just after Thanksgiving, someone sneaks out and decorates all three trees. Once they are done, other people add to it. Just the other day, I noticed this tree now has strands of silver and red tinsel garland. I love the way we, in secret and without reward, do things to make each other happy.

Something else that made me happy is this poem, hand-typed by the brilliant Maya Stein, send to me by request of the dear Sherry Richert Belul. The end lines are my favorite, “I wonder if they, too, blushed at their resurrected beauty, this green they had believed long dead still whispering, unstoppably, inside them.”

More happiness: Eric washing my car while Sam sits in the back seat, a vet who gives you her personal email address so that you can get a hold of her if you need her over the holiday, the promise of babies and puppies. I love the way we take care of each other.