Gratitude

1. Morning walks. Everything is so lush and green right now, which also means it’s tick season and the mosquitoes aren’t far behind. This week, there was an extra special walk for an extra special reason, so good that it deserves to be it’s own item on this week’s list.

2. FOXES!!! Eric and Ringo saw them first, or rather Ringo alerted to them and Eric was able to figure out there was something worth spending time looking for and after some searching was able to see two baby kits playing near the opening of their den. He told me where to look, so Ringo and I went back later in the week, and there they were!

We used to have a healthy fox population and one of my favorite things about spring was checking all the local dens to see the babies. Then disease decimated the entire population, slowly at first and then completely. In the years since, we’ve seen a fox occasionally, and one den with the potential for babies that was never realized, and seeing a fox became like spotting a unicorn.

Some babies from years past:

When Ringo and I saw them, the kits weren’t very active, rather resting in the deep grass enjoying the morning sun. I didn’t get very good pictures of the babies, but I was super happy to see them, to know they were there and seemed to be doing so well. We turned around and headed back up the trail towards the road. There’s a temporary pasture set up with a herd of sheep and their llama guardian to help “mow” the natural area, so we paused to watch them for a bit. While we were watching, the sheep started getting restless and the llama stood up and seemed concerned. I thought at first they didn’t like us being there, but then the llama turned and lunged at something and I realized the mama fox had gotten herself stuck behind the fencing. She had a fat red chicken held limp in her mouth, was trying to get back to her den to feed the kits breakfast. We stood and watched until she worked it out and was making her way back home.

I’m such a nerd for this sort of thing. Further down the trail before we turned around that morning, a woman with two dogs caught up with us so we pulled over to the side of the trail to let them pass. I excitedly told her about the fox den, but her response was not just underwhelmed but I got the sense she was thinking, “okay, weirdo.” And yes, I AM a weirdo. I get excited about the robin’s nest in our lilac bushes or the zebra jumper spider currently living in our kitchen or the snake in the compost pile. One time I even got super excited about baby grasshoppers, until they grew up and tried to eat our entire garden.

Eric is just as weird. He’s had different “pet” spiders in our compost pile and on a corner of the house. The other day, when he was trying to get a fly that had come in when we had the door open, he saw the zebra jumper in the kitchen stalking it, so watched as it caught the fly and took it behind the clock to drain dry, took a little movie of the event. Later Eric found the husk of the fly and saved it to show me. I can’t tell you how much I love that he gets excited about that sort of thing too. And also, nature can be brutal.

3. Therapy. I feel myself coming unstuck, waking back up, and I’m so grateful.

4. Practice. Yoga at Red Sage, my Friday morning writing sangha, sitting in my practice room in the morning, making art.

5. Chris, my brother, and Mom. I think I said this last week but our mom has entered the stage of dementia where she is sundowning. One of the things she currently does when she gets restless and agitated and confused in the evening that’s not so great is fiddle with her catheter tubing, sometimes even pulling it loose. The nursing staff noticed she liked to fold things, that it distracted her, so Chris has started to bring in washcloths and socks for her to sort and fold. It totally works. Too bad a hot iron is so dangerous because Mom always LOVED to iron, (I did NOT inherit that from her).

Chris visits her in the evening so he sees more of this behavior than anyone. It’s hard for him to watch. We both hoped somehow Mom might skip the worst parts of her condition, go peacefully, have an easy death that came quietly. I’m just so grateful that she is where she is, being cared for and kept comfortable by such compassionate and skilled humans, and that Chris keeps such a close eye on her but doesn’t have to do all the caretaking anymore. What he’s done for our family in the past two years kind of blows my mind, even though I always knew how great he was and how lucky I am to have him.

6. My tiny family, small house, little life. I told him one night this week as he was getting in bed that it takes him longer to get his blankets and pillow just how he wants them than it does for him to fall asleep — seriously, sometimes he gets in bed and by the time I am done brushing my teeth, he’s already asleep. I’ve always been jealous of that, his ability to fall asleep so fast and so easily. There was another time we were in the kitchen cracking each other up and I can’t remember now what we were saying but for me the joy of moments like that is one of the best things about our marriage.

Bonus joy: Liminal’s spicy sesame bowl, a day with both sunshine and rain, how soft new green grass can be, irises blooming, the smell of lilacs when there’s a breeze, other people’s dogs and kids and gardens, a massage with Dana, getting in the pool, sitting in the sauna, keeping the curtains closed, a warm shower, books, libraries and librarians, poets and poetry, comedy, true crime, satellite radio, streaming on demand content, clean sheets, naps, watercolor, comic books, graphic novels, science fiction, our neighbor’s honey locust tree, the ponds and the river, the light in the morning, dusk, the moon, down blankets and pillows, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep. 

6 thoughts on “Gratitude

  1. Rita Ott Ramstad's avatarRita Ott Ramstad

    I get the nerding. Every time our yard bunny comes out, I make anyone in the room with me come to the window to see it. And I see the yard bunny pretty much daily. I will always feel a thrill. I’m so glad you have your brother. Hopes for peace and strength to both of you.

    Reply
    1. jillsalahub's avatarjillsalahub Post author

      We have a yard bunny too. A consequence of the dwindled fox population was an explosion of rabbits. I’m so glad I have my brother too, am grateful for him at the same time I worry about him taking on so much. ❤

      Reply
  2. Melanie R's avatarMelanie R

    I’m another who gets that kind of nerding. We currently have a robin’s nest in the hanging plant on the front porch. I’ve been taking (too many) photos of the four babies every day and gushing over them like they’re my own. This morning, I saw a rabbit in our back yard and immediately yelled for Brian to “come and see the bunny!” So yeah, I’d be ecstatic about the fox den. Poop on that dour lady, lol.

    So sad about your mom. I love that someone thought of keeping her busy and distracted by folding washcloths and socks. My mom (age 84) loves to iron, too. Must be that generation. Your brother sounds like an amazing human. You are so lucky to have a sibling like that. My sister is not a nice person. She’s estranged from our family.

    I think it’s a man thing where they can fall asleep right away. My husband usually does, too. I have to have a lot of wind-down time before bed and even then, it’s hard to shut my mind off to relax enough to go to sleep.

    Have a great week!

    Reply
    1. jillsalahub's avatarjillsalahub Post author

      I’ve been seeing your pictures of the robin babies. I love where she built her nest. Ours is sort of hidden so I haven’t been able to get a good look at the babies. It’s crazy to me that from hatch to fly takes only two weeks!

      Yes, I AM so lucky to have Chris. I think he’d say the same about me. 😉

      I have to read for at least an hour in bed before I can fall asleep. ❤

      Reply
  3. Kari's avatarWriter McWriterson

    My mom loves to iron. I didn’t get that gene either. 💜

    I love that you have your brother—he sounds just as beautiful as you do. Your mother raised two lovely humans. 💜

    I totally nerd out over nature stuff too. I kept two stink bugs alive in our home over the winter. I found one of them dead in my closet last week and cried. 💜

    Reply
    1. jillsalahub's avatarjillsalahub Post author

      My strategy is to take things out of the dryer fast and either hang or fold them right away to lessen the chance of wrinkles. Come to think of it, Mom lined dried our clothes so maybe that’s why she felt the need to iron everything?

      Eric took our zebra jumping spider outside, was afraid it wouldn’t get enough to eat inside. 😦

      Reply

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