August | 2017 | Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray)

1. Morning walks. The light has been so gorgeous lately, with the later sunrise, a full moon, and all the rain.

2. Summer harvest. I can eat about six large fresh carrots a day, along with a few cucumbers. The peach pies Eric makes are the best, but even just plain the fruit is some kind of magic. This year we are going to be smart and freeze some. We also made fresh pesto last week. Yum. I also am loving going to the Farmer’s Market every Saturday and getting a fresh bouquet of flowers to put in my bathroom.

3. Aqua aerobics. I love it so much, and it feels so good. I don’t even care that I smell like chlorine all the time.

4. Practicing creative joy. It’s our monthly theme in the Open Heart Project this month. In the talk Susan sent out, she said that “creativity is an encounter with space, with nothingness” and that to meet it, we must be open, relaxed, willing to not know what’s going to happen and to allow whatever might arise. This practice has saved me, more times than I can count.

5. My tiny family. This is our last few days on vacation together, and I’m already missing them.

Bonus joy: making art in celebration of a friend’s birthday, meditating, writing, reading good books, sitting on the couch with a heating pad watching good tv, sunshine, a surprise breakfast date (we’ll, they were already going and let me tag along), being able to rent a car while mine is in the shop instead of trying to navigate our schedules with just one car, long naps, new knee braces, peach pie still warm from the oven, watching America’s Test Kitchen (not quite as good without Christopher Kimball) with Eric and saying we are going to make all the things, going to the gym and getting in the pool with him, clean sheets.

1. Truth: I need a lot of rest. And more specifically, I need rest to recover from effort and engagement. The past few months, I’ve spent a lot of time focusing on my body and what would make it feel good. Some of that meant movement (walking the dogs, aqua aerobics, Pilates, and yoga in particular), but some of it meant visits to the doctor, getting a massage, a session with my physical therapist, three hours on the couch with a heating pad, a really long nap, or going to the Farmer’s Market to be sure I had fresh carrots and peaches.

2. Truth: I go back to work next week. To be honest (because this is a post about truth), I’m not sure how that’s going to go. I’m stepping back into a moment in the academic year that is notoriously chaotic, as well as returning to a huge ongoing project that I will need to help complete, and I have a new intern to get settled. I’m not sure how all that will align with my need for rest, my commitment to giving my body what it wants.

3. Truth: I return with a new question. It came to me recently as I was doing my morning writing practice. Forgive me if I already mentioned it, but it came to me that my fundamental confusion rests in this question — Am I denying myself what I’m truly hungry for or am I resisting what is? I’m not sure I can explain, but it’s related to my search for deep meaning in my life, and my growing awareness of my particular energetic requirements. It’s a question about the source of my discomfort, the cause of my dis-ease. So, when I dread going back to work, or I am uncomfortable being there, is it because I really should be somewhere else or am I resisting what is and therefore generating unnecessary suffering for myself in that way? Should I be looking for an exit, or should I learn how to stay?

One wish: May my path clarify my confusion, and may my confusion dawn as wisdom. (Based on the The Four Dharmas of Gampopa).