Daily Archives: December 6, 2015

#reverb15: Ancestral Healing

reverb2015

Prompt: “As each year progresses, we unknowingly gather many thoughts, beliefs, and patterns to us. In fact, what we are carrying may have been passed down to us from previous generations.

Looking at the thoughts and patterns that may be holding you back from living the life you want, trace back through the generations of your family and see if your beliefs originated generations ago.

In 2016, how can you bring healing to these patterns of thought that are holding you back?”

It’s always difficult to say much about family patterns, because there’s so much I just don’t know or understand. And yet, I can see that there has been a history that may have impacted me. It has manifested for me as methods for coping that can become addictive and dis-ordered, ways of soothing or even masking suffering which ultimately lead to a denial of my truest self.

I also have a cultural history, specifically in terms of what it means to be a woman, a good citizen. This tells me I should be agreeable, quiet, nice, generous, self-sacrificing, and pretty, (which is actually not a single thing but a whole list of things that are constantly shifting and changing with trends and fashion).

What holds me back is a resistance to simply letting myself have what I want, letting myself be who I am. What says I can’t is a whole jumble of fear, mistrust, uncertainty, obligation, and judgements about what is right and wrong that comes together and binds me with “you are not allowed, who do you think you are, you can’t do that, you can’t have that.” I misread my environment, see all kinds of threats and complications and obstacles, and sometimes I just give up.

There’s an avoidance, a resistance I need to burn through. As Rumi said, “love is a fire and I am wood.” Maybe it happens by gently challenging those old beliefs, the misinterpreted limits. Maybe it happens by saying what I mean, having what I want, becoming unapologetically self-centered, and trusting myself.

Winter Joy Retreat: Food & Laughter

Day 6: Food & Laughter.

Once a long time ago, we ordered two pizzas from Little Ceasar’s. When we went to pick them up, they had the wrong toppings. They apologized and made us two new pies. We waited for them, and when they were ready, we checked and they were wrong too. They were so sorry, apologized and apologized, made us two more pizzas, this time with the right toppings, and begged us to take all SIX pies home with us. We called Eric’s sister, told her to bring her husband and our three nephews and meet us at my mother-in-law’s house, where we had an unplanned pizza party.

We never ordered from Little Ceasar’s again, (honestly, we were sort of burnt out on it after that), but whenever I hear one of their commercials, especially the “pizza, pizza” at the end, I have to laugh, and think to myself “nope, it’s actually pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza.”