November | 2014 | Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray)

1. My birthday. All the love sent my way, the pie Eric made me, the permission I gave myself to be exactly who I am, to do what I wanted and feel how I wanted all day long. The realization that I’m having more of an impact than I knew.

2. My refuge vow ceremony. I’m going to write more about it this weekend, share what it was like and what it means, but for now I’ll just say I’m so grateful, for the clarity and connection.

3. Kale and Brussels Sprouts salad. I’ve been obsessed with this lately, buying it from the Whole Foods deli, and finally got time to try making my own. It turned out really good, cost way less than was I was spending to buy it premade, and this way I can play with the recipe, making it exactly what I want.
4. My boys. If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook, you already know about Ringo’s “couching” antics. He has his own ideas about how you are supposed to lounge. He just turned one year old and is a total clown, as well as a real terror sometimes. Sweet Sam is so patient with him, so easy to be around and take care of.
5. Gemma Hayes’s new album, Bones and Longing. It’s so beautiful and I can’t stop listening to it. It was released the day before my birthday and was the best present.

Bonus Joy: Laughing with Eric, snow, walking with the dogs, messages from the Universe, the Open Heart Project Sangha, Susan Piver, a lunch and movie date with a friend, watching A Letter to my Dog Exploring the Human Condition and crying and laughing with a friend who’d never seen it and then sharing it with a few other people who’d never heard it, a new ibex wool jacket to replace the one I lost two years ago, a new rain jacket that’s so nice I almost wish it would rain so I could try it out … almost, new neighbors who are quiet, really good chocolate, Beavers Market, down and wool, wild turkeys and rabbits, the chance to start over again and again.

from our walk this morning

1. Today is my birthday. I am 47 years old, and it’s wonderful to be alive, awake, still here. I feel simultaneously older and yet so much younger than that number. I am not at all where I expected I would be, and my life hasn’t gone the way I imagined it would, and yet where I find myself is so right, so much better than I thought, while also so much more difficult. More than anything, I promised myself I would spend today being exactly who I am, loving and celebrating myself. It’s still morning here, and I think what I’ve given myself today might just need to be the way I live all the time.

2. Susan Piver is brilliant. Her latest video for the Open Heart Project suggests a simple question that she labels “a life changing question.” I finally watched it this morning and it was so perfectly timed, such a great way to start my day. Spoiler alert: the question is “who would I be if I took myself seriously?” It reminds me of what Rachael Maddox said recently, how “maybe the magic that was missing all along was the will to be all the way true to the call of your brilliant heart.”

3. I’m still grieving the loss of my Dexter. It’s been almost a year and a half, and I’m only just now able to touch the center of that sadness, which is very much alive, fierce and tender and raw.

One wish: That we take ourselves seriously, and that we celebrate and love and grieve fully, each in exactly our own way.