Three Truths and One Wish

image by Eric

1. This is my 1111th blog post on A Thousand Shades of Gray. There’s a particular kind of magic in that number. Some people say that it is “an invitation to open your eyes to the miracles all around that were already there that you weren’t seeing; an invitation to discover the infinite power and wisdom within you that is waiting to be tapped…a general invitation to move toward the inner joy and life fulfillment that’s possible for you.” An invitation to wake up, a reminder that you are inherently wise and compassionate, a request that you pay attention, a sign that you are not alone,

2. God is “whatever lifts your face out of the dirt,” (Elizabeth Gilbert). I find this incredibly comforting, so moving. It doesn’t let me entirely off the hook — it’s still up to me to get up, dust myself off, keep going, but in the moment when I am at my lowest, there is God, lifting my face out of the dirt, keeping me from giving up entirely.

3. I am capable of the deepest despair, but there is something in me that refuses to give up. I’ve never quite understood it, don’t know exactly what it is, but it’s always been there. No matter how hard things get, no matter how much I’ve been hurt, no matter how much I think about finding a way to escape for good, I keep going. It’s something stubborn and determined and certain. It believes that if I can just hang on until tomorrow, hold on for just one more moment or even one more breath, something will shift.

One wish: That when we are at our lowest, we experience the miracle of our face being lifted from the dirt, we know we are inherently wise and compassionate, we remember that we are not alone.

1. Sometimes I forget to leave room for myself. I am so busy attending to what others need and want, I forget about my own requirements and desires. I am so worried about what I should do, have to do, need to do, that I lose sight of my own hungers, my need for rest and nourishment. Being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) in this regard is both my superpower and my kryptonite.

2. Chronic undercaring catches up with me. Eventually I burn out, wear down, crash, wreck myself, and am forced to slow down and take care of myself because I just can’t push anymore. Once I finally begin the work of healing, there is such a lack — I’ve gone beyond hunger to starving, beyond tired to complete exhaustion.

3. I can’t figure out how to do both, to give but also receive, to be generous with others but also with self. I work and serve and help, put all my effort towards easing suffering where I find it, and I do so full force until I just can’t go anymore. Then is when I finally submit to attending to myself beyond the bare minimum.

One Wish: That this suffering may ease, wherever it exists. May my innate wisdom and compassion guide me to a way of being both of service to the world and of benefit to myself.