Poudre River, image by Eric

1. Truth: I used to believe that I could keep bad things from happening. This isn’t a joke, not an exaggeration. I really thought that if I were diligent — if I paid attention, prepared, did my research, was smart and good — I could stop bad things from happening, or at least from being so bad when they did happen. This belief was toxic, robbed my life of joy, and as an adult even led to a period of post traumatic stress disorder that lasted for years.

2. Truth: This belief lingers like an echo. I catch myself when there’s an issue, a problem, a threat, or even the hint of something not quite right, shifting into “I have to fix this” mode. I can usually interrupt the habitual response pretty quickly, talk myself down from the ledge, but sometimes even still I’m pretty deep into it before I realize I’m doing it again, and at that point it can be hard to let go.

3. Truth: I can’t control everything, or anything. I can’t stop bad things from happening, and it’s also not entirely my fault if they do. It’s great to check in with myself, consider if anything I did contributed, or if I’m doing anything to generate excess suffering, but I don’t have to walk around all the time feeling responsible for all the things. My power lies in how I respond to what happens. And if I relax, trust in my own inherent goodness, that response comes from a place of wisdom and compassion.

One wish: May we relax, trust in our fundamental goodness, and know deep in our bones that even if the worst happens we will find a way.

The Great Stupa of Dharmakaya, Shambhala Mountain Center

1. Even though I haven’t been publishing as much of it here, I’ve been writing a lot. Last weekend I was at a writing and meditation retreat led by Susan Piver, and while I was there, I wrote and edited 12,000 words, (I was working on my book, which you may have heard me mention here before). I have so much to say, so much to tell you, kind and gentle reader, but right now so much of it is landing in that other container.

2. I understand now that as I writer, I need to live everything twice. I haven’t fully processed anything, don’t truly understand, and most certainly can’t let it go until I’ve written about it. Because of this, there are some very painful things I’ve lived in the past seven years that I’m not done with yet.

3. The theme for me recently seems to be “letting go.” I was reminded of it this morning as I went through my email. There was a message from Sherry at Simply Celebrate, a new blog post she’d written, {Permission Slip} Let it go!, in which she says, “I hereby grant you permission to stop doing things — especially things you really don’t want to do or are too tired to do — and allow yourself to simply enjoy the people you love.” And then a post from my friend Kat, who shares about making a brave transition in her writing life, It’s Time to Go. She was prompted by a painful experience, but is using it as motivation to take her power back. And a Daily Truth email from Brave Girls Club which reminds that it’s not only okay to let go, but necessary.

One wish: That we let go of whatever no longer serves us, that we process and understand that which we still carry with us and finally are able to let it go too, that we sink into a season of quiet and rest (even if just for a few days) in which we allow ourselves to enjoy those we love, and may we remember to include ourselves in that love.