1. Truth: The past five days have been overwhelming. I shared a list on Facebook today that compiled what had happened just during the first four days of DT’s presidency, things he’d done and things he threatened to do. There were 36 things on the list, and they would have been too much if they’d taken the whole four years. People are resisting, but people are also so exhausted and overwrought that they are getting sick. Some are sticking their heads in the sand, running away, asking the rest of us to keep it down, and others are spending way too much time on social media, fighting or screaming until their throats are raw. And of course, there’s the crying. It’s a mess.

2. Truth: There are things I just can’t wrap my head around. One is that for a large number of marginalized and oppressed people, this is what it has always been like, what it’s always felt like — and I didn’t see them, I wasn’t helping. The other is that there are still people who don’t see what’s happening, and others who see it and just don’t care that other people are suffering. I keep wondering, with so much gone wrong, so much that needs attention, how do you figure out where to put your energy, your effort? I once heard someone suggest that if you want to know who you are here to serve, just notice what breaks your heart and you will find your purpose — but what if all of it breaks your heart?

3. Truth: I’m not giving up. That being said, I certainly need to start taking better care of myself. I need to make better choices, have more discipline and discernment. I have to remember that I don’t need to set myself on fire just to keep someone else warm. I need to figure out the balance between keeping my own shit together and helping. I want to remember what Pema Chödrön says, that “If we want there to be peace in the world, then we have to take responsibility when our own hearts and minds harden and close. We have to be brave enough to soften what is rigid, to find the soft spot and stay with it. We have to have that kind of courage and take that kind of responsibility.”

(More than) One wish: May we practice being soft and open, tender with whatever arises. May we stay with ourselves, with reality. With confidence in our fundamental wisdom and compassion, my we stay connected to our inherent power, be of benefit, help, ease suffering in ourselves and in the world. Yes, we will be vulnerable, at risk of being wounded, but we also in this way will know joy, experience love, encounter amazement.

1. Truth: I’m practicing “like my hair is on fire.” This is a phrase that is used in Buddhism to talk about the mix of a sense of urgency and the confidence to not lapse into despair. I think about it a lot, considering our current “situation.” I’m finishing up 37 Days of Activism, and just started Hard Conversations: An Introduction to Racism and Healing from Toxic Whiteness, all really great online courses. Today I’m doing Safe Zone training through the Pride Center at CSU. I started a group called the Hen House Collective to have some company during this process, to help me filter through all the information and figure out what actions to take. I meditate and write every morning, and do yoga when I can. My hair is on fire.

2. Truth: I’m trying to also take care of myself. I’m trying to keep my sense of humor, get enough rest, eat good food, not get overwhelmed or burn out. In fact, I vow to not burn out:

Aware of suffering and injustice, I, Jill Salahub, am working to create a more just, peaceful, and sustainable world. I promise, for the benefit of all, to practice self-care, mindfulness, healing, and joy. I vow to not burn out.

3. Truth: I am staying curious. “Not knowing is a prerequisite for learning,” (Patti Digh). I am trying to listen, deeply and compassionately, without an agenda and without judgement. As Pema Chödrön said, “The only reason we don’t open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don’t feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with.” I remind myself that being uncomfortable isn’t a bad thing, and try to lean in to that, stay open.

(More than) One Wish: May we stay curious and open, listen deeply and compassionately, not giving in to despair, and maintain our sense of humor even as it seems like the worst is happening. May we also have the discernment to know right action, and be brave enough to take it when necessary. May we continue to be courageous, having the willingness to be wounded, and confident in the way Susan Piver describes it, “the willingness to be as ridiculous, luminous, intelligent, and kind as you really are, without embarrassment.”