Tag Archives: Inspiration

Tuesday Three Truths and One Wish

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I realized this morning that I am in rehab–life rehab.  It’s a program of my own creation, but I am getting so much help from so many places.  This led me to think about what it means to restore, reconstruct, or rehabilitate.

1. Truth: What you feed grows stronger.  You have to be careful to “feed the right wolf.”  Pema Chodron talks about this in the first chapter of her book “Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears.” She says:

There was a story that was widely circulated a few days after the attacks of September 11, 2001, that illustrates our dilemma. A Native American grandfather was speaking to his grandson about violence and cruelty in the world and how it comes about. He said it was as if two wolves were fighting in his heart. One wolf was vengeful and angry, and the other wolf was understanding and kind. The young man asked his grandfather which wolf would win the fight in his heart. And the grandfather answered, “The one that wins will be the one I choose to feed.”

Habits are difficult to break, especially if they’ve hardened into addiction. Letting go is hard–but it is possible and so worth it.  I read a post yesterday on kind over matter by Tia Sparkles Singh “Letting Go: the Ultimate Act of Kindness” that I found really helpful.

2. Truth: Change is a process, a practice, a commitment, and it takes time and possibly many attempts. If you try and fail, you can try again, start over, begin again–just claim the magic “do-over.” Just like the seasons, the cycle of the moon, day and night, another chance comes around.

I mentioned these already in a post a few days ago, but they are worth repeating: Leo Babauta of zenhabits.net has written a few posts recently that I’ve found helpful: “How I Changed My Life, In Four Lines” and “The Half Step That Will Change Your Life.”

3. Truth: Help is available, if you want it. Once I was willing to start this process, this life rehab, help appeared, so much and so fast that I can barely keep up with it.

One wish: For those of us who are ready, I wish for us all the help and support we need.  For those who haven’t yet begun, but who feel the longing to start, I wish that this post might serve to plant a seed, to stir your intention, to cause you to take the first step.  For those who started and find themselves stuck again: I wish you a “do-over!” (Okay, so that was three wishes).

  • Go ahead.  Make your wish.

How do you change?

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“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” ~~Albert Einstein

It seems so simple: if you want things to be different, you must do something different. And yet, many of us are stuck in our bad habits and addictions.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, spent the morning reading about addiction, how to help an addict, co-dependency, and shame.  Specifically what I’ve been trying to figure out is when we become aware that things aren’t working for us, but we’ve been stuck in the same loop for so long, how do we change?

I am reading Brene’ Brown’s first book, “I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power.” In the first chapter, she talks about real power, and describes it as: “the power to create and live by our own definition” and later says that there are “three specific components to real power: consciousness, choice and change.”  She says:

In order to effectively make changes and address the problems in our lives, we need to first be conscious or aware of the problem. Second, we need to be able to problem-solve and identify the choices we can make to address the problem. Once we are aware of the problem and our options for dealing with it, we need to be able to facilitate change–we need to be able to act on those choices.

In other words, this is going to take some time…


This morning, before I read this passage from Brene’s book, I came up with my own list–if you are stuck, things aren’t working out or are going bad, there are three basic things you have to do:

  1. Stop digging. If the problem is that you find yourself in a deep, dark hole, don’t expect any help or any escape if you continue to dig.  Don’t ask for help digging, or for money for a new shovel.  If what you are doing isn’t working and you want it to stop, first you must stop.
  2. Stop blaming. If you think your situation or circumstances are someone else’s fault, stop it.  “When I blame someone else for something, I give up my power to them,” (Al-Anon saying).  If you are busy “smashing yourself to bits” because of all the trouble you’ve caused, stop that too.  It really doesn’t matter who did what, or who’s responsible.  It only matters if you are planning to punish someone, and that isn’t going to bring the change you are looking for–let it go.
  3. Stop waiting. It is a waste of time to wait for someone else to fix things, to help or rescue you.  You have to save yourself.

Easier said than done.  Seriously, this is going to be really hard, and it’s going to take a really long time.  The sooner we get started, the better.  Leo Babauta of zenhabits.net has written a few posts recently that I’ve found helpful: “How I Changed My Life, In Four Lines” and “The Half Step That Will Change Your Life.”

  • If you want things to change, why not now?