1. I’m still here. I’ve been noticing more silver in my hair recently. In particular there’s one spot where I part my hair, to one side because I have a cowlick that wants to go how it wants to go and I gave up fighting with it years ago, and that spot is getting a concentrated spot of silver and I frigging love it. I’m grateful for all the wrinkles and spots and soft saggy bits and silver hairs because it means I’ve lived through some shit and I’m still here.

2. Masks. The various masks and mask accessories, such as filters and nose strips, that had just been piled on top of the dryer got their own storage basket, as it’s clear we’ll be needing them for awhile. Today I got another bunch from eShakti. I really like the extra neck strap so you can let your mask hang around your neck when not using it. They were also buy five, get one free, which was a nice bonus. I’m grateful that such a simple thing, such an easy thing, does so much to keep us healthy and safe. 3. Late summer harvest. Peaches, cucumbers, cabbage, broccoli, and watermelon; some from our garden and others from local farms. I made tomato jam with some of our cherry tomatoes, and it’s so good! We can also now add bunnies to our list of who our garden is feeding.
4. Morning walks. You didn’t think I’d forget, did you? 🙂 I am still so surprised that with the many insects that thrived this summer — miller moths, grasshoppers, dragonflies, blister beetles, etc. — that we had hardly any mosquitoes, and therefore never really had to take more than a week or two away from walking along the river. This week, we came upon one of the heron fishing, and I would have gotten such a good picture, but Ringo was too wiggly and loud, and the heron flew away before I could “capture” it. Things are really turning toward fall, which means starting the walk with a headlamp, it’s much cooler, and everything turning various shades of brown, red, and gold.

The heron was RIGHT there just seconds before Ringo chased it off

5. My tiny family. Ringo got his teeth cleaned on Monday. With all our dogs, we’ve had their teeth cleaned once when they are somewhere between 5-7 years old. None of them ever lived long enough to get it done a second time, (Sam was supposed to get his done for the second time this summer… ). Ringo did really well, was wobbly and whiny for a few hours, but he’s got such pretty teeth now, (we brush them daily too, but it just isn’t enough to keep them completely clean for years and years). His wonky belly finally finally cleared up, and we are pretty sure it was stress induced colitis, which he’s had before, and this time started the day after Sam died, so we are pretty sure that was the stress that caused it — poor puppy. Eric has been hard at work, as classes started this week. It’s been a bit weird for him because it’s the first time he hasn’t taught his own class in 20+ years (he’s a philosophy teacher, specializes in applied ethics), as he was reassigned temporarily to online learning, one of his other specialties and so in demand right now so he’s spending his time as a coach and facilitator, for at least the rest of this academic year.

“I feel weird, Mom.” Ringo, still high on anesthesia.

Image by Eric

Image by Eric

Image by Eric

Bonus joy: how when this post wasn’t up by one o’clock my mom texted me to say “no Gratitude Friday?”, hanging out and writing with Mikalina, walking in the pool with Janice, texting with Chloe’ and my brother and mom, the cooler weather (it’s 76 today!), the air clearer after two days of rain that hopefully took some of the energy out of the wildfires burning, how when I picked up my groceries and they forgot my refrigerated items on the first trip the woman in charge gave me a free candle because I had to coming back, yoga with Jamie on Sunday mornings, my morning practice (which is close to two hours now because I read a chapter from a dharma book, do some yoga, meditate, and write — but I retired right before a global pandemic, so I’ve got the time and the need), the various kinds of finches using our birdbath, the squirrel who used our patio umbrella like a trampoline, sweet Roxy who passed this week and was such a good dog, kitchen counter love notes, flowers in the bathroom, lavender, good TV (I started watching My Mad Fat Diary on Hulu), good books (I’m into the second part of the three part 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami and it’s so good), good podcasts (the recent Working it Out hosted by Mike Birbiglia with guest Roy Wood Jr. was SO good), good music (I was feeling nostalgic this morning so listened to one of my yoga class playlists I’d made when I was teaching), biscuit breakfast bake, how much Ringo likes “helping” water the garden, cooking, black walnut ice cream, how much Ringo likes pancakes with butter, CBD oil, sitting in the infrared sauna with Eric, composting, tacos, a big glass of cold clean water, dog rescue, flu shots, rain, getting all the laundry done and put away, emptying the dishwasher (I know — what is wrong with me?), pay day, all the people making the effort to make the world a better place for everyone not just themselves, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.

1. I’m still here. I’m doing everything I can to stick with the discomfort, to process all the grief and confusion, to not give up. It can get a little messy at times, but I’d rather be here than not.
2. Morning walks. I guess we just aren’t going to have a mosquito season this year, because I’m still able to walk by the river and around the ponds without getting eaten. The mornings are getting cooler and darker, and things are definitely moving towards fall, even though most days are over 90. One morning, getting ready to walk Ringo, I grabbed two cookies. Cookies are what my dogs get as a treat for putting on their collar, harness, and leash. On the walk, I use smaller treats, so cookies are only for gearing up. I grabbed two cookies, out of habit, and only then did it hit me I only have one dog. On one walk, Ringo found a dead snake. This week we kept running into one of the heron that fish along the river. One time, it had just caught a fish. 3. Our garden. This week, I made roasted tomato salsa for Eric, and right now I’ve got a double batch of tomato jam simmering on the stove. We also ate one of our watermelon, are getting tons of cucumbers, and there’s a whole lot of broccoli and kale.

4. Good people. Lots of cards and messages about Angela’s passing, doing laps in the pool with Janice, writing and hanging out with Mikalina, kind and supportive comments on things I post, texting with Chloe’ and my mom and brother, the DNC speeches, everyone committed to doing better, all the people working so hard and putting themselves at risk so that we have food, clean water, electricity, education, healthcare, ect. — a special shout out to the firefighters, and grocery store workers, and the workers who go out in the heat and the smoke to harvest crops, and those working in hospitals with COVID-19 patients, and the parents working while simultaneously trying to help their kids with whatever version of school they are currently attempting.

5. My tiny family. Ringo continues to do better and seems like he’s starting to get more used to Sam being gone, to being the only dog. I suspect he shouldn’t like it too much or get too comfortable because even though I am so NOT ready for another just yet, it feels weird to have only one dog. The 15 minutes of rain we got the other day just so happened to coincide with Eric grilling Beyond Burgers, but he didn’t let that stop him.

Bonus joy: the way the house smells when I’m cooking something good, when the wind shifts and the air is clear enough in the morning to run the whole house fan, peaches, black walnut ice cream, getting all the laundry done, grocery pick-up, good podcasts, good books, good TV, good music, the time to practice, Eric working from home (I would have thought I’d be tired of it by now, but I like having him here), birds in the birdbath, goldfinches perched on a sunflower stem singing, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.