Day of Rest

This is my current theme song. It would be a great tune to play on repeat if you were in the midst of a breakup, but I think it could be an anthem for any shift, a change in any relationship or situation, the soundtrack for quitting whatever isn’t working. That’s what it is for me.

I’m done. The specifics don’t really matter right now because it’s not a change I can make immediately, (but just to be clear, this has nothing to do with my relationship with Eric — he’s my favorite). For starters, I am still recovering from being sick. I have so little energy and feel like I might just spend the entire summer on the couch. What matters is that I’m 100% sure. I see it so clearly, and I know that it’s what I have to do even though it’s going to make some people uncomfortable, disappointed, upset. But none of that matters because I’m done. I’m done.

And I’m sorry that you don’t like your life
I fought for my own victories and for the beauty in my life
My joy, my joy, my joy takes nothing from you
no, my joy, my joy takes nothing from you
~Frazey Ford, “Done”

In a moment of synchronicity, the same day Rachel Cole shared the video for “Done” on Facebook (and thus, the first time I saw it), a friend made a comment about a blog post I’d written exactly a year earlier, Don’t Wait. One of my favorite things about blogging is that sometimes I read a post and even if it’s old, it feels like exactly what I needed to hear at that particular moment. This one feels like it was just waiting for the exact moment I got to the place where I was really and truly done — which can be different than knowing exactly what to do.

What tiny step can you take today, right now, towards your dream? What can you do to begin to live a life that reflects what matters to you, what you love? It can be the smallest thing, but that action is like a prayer, a promise, medicine and magic. Give yourself permission, kind and gentle reader. Stop waiting for something to happen and happen.

There is a story of a woman running away from tigers. She runs and runs and the tigers are getting closer and closer. When she comes to the edge of a cliff, she sees some vines there, so she climbs down and holds on to the vines. Looking down, she sees that there are tigers below her as well. She then notices that a mouse is gnawing away at the vine to which she is clinging. She also sees a beautiful little bunch of strawberries close to her, growing out of a clump of grass. She looks up and she looks down. She looks at the mouse. Then she just takes a strawberry, puts it in her mouth, and enjoys it thoroughly. Tigers above, tigers below. This is actually the predicament that we are always in, in terms of our birth and death. Each moment is just what it is. It might be the only moment of our life; it might be the only strawberry we’ll ever eat. We could get depressed about it, or we could finally appreciate it and delight in the preciousness of every single moment of our life. ~Pema Chödrön, The Wisdom of No Escape: How to Love Yourself and Your World

Today is my last day of this session of intermediate yoga teacher training. I teach my practicum around noon, and this is the quote I’m sharing at the beginning. The theme of my short, half hour of practice is “opening.” Developing an awareness of effort and ease, contraction and expansion, relaxation and engagement, vulnerability and courage, both in our physical body and our thinking/feeling body. Noticing where we are resisting or clinging, and inviting ourselves to relax, to let go, but also not judging our experience as either/or, good/bad. Allowing all of it, whatever might arise, holding space for it — delighting in the “preciousness of every single moment of our life.”