Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray)

image by Eric

1. The pictures that Eric takes when he’s hiking. There are some weeks I don’t get out enough, and even when I do I either don’t have a camera with me or I don’t stop to use it, and then I have no pictures to add when I write a blog post. When that happens, there’s always something nice from Eric that I can use.

2. Feeling better, and having all the time I need to rest. I’m still not completely recovered from being sick. It sucks that I can’t be using some sick days, getting paid for my time on the couch, but the reason I can’t is because I’m on summer vacation and that’s nothing to complain about.

3. Eric made me pie. I was sick, I asked him to make me pie, and he did.

4. Because of the rain, our backyard looks like a golf course. Ringo and Sam love lounging on it, and I love to watch them. Sometimes I watch with my eyes closed. 🙂

5. Netflix and Hulu, allowing me to binge watch tv when I don’t have enough energy to get off the couch.

Bonus Joy: a follow-up call with the amazing women from Feast, finally tying on the string Rachel sent me, finishing yoga teacher training, naps, clean pjs, teaching yoga, Ringo napping on the big bed one afternoon and in his crate with the door open the next, seeing Tig Notaro with good friends and most likely laughing our faces off, the thump of Sam’s tail in the morning when he realizes I might be awake, fresh pineapple, soaking in the tub while listening to podcasts.

Lory State Park, image by Eric

1. Truth: Eric and I have been watching documentaries about hiking the Pacific Coast Trail. It’s the sort of thing he’s always been interested in: stories of long treks, challenging hikes, voyages to places less traveled — people setting off into the wilderness, into the unknown to discover something. Now I’ve got the bug too. I haven’t put my finger on exactly what it is yet, but there’s something about a journey into nature, into that particular mix of silence and chaos, that’s really a journey deeper into yourself. When I hear the hikers talk about quitting jobs, putting their things into storage, leaving behind family and friends, and being transformed by their time away, gaining a new understanding of what’s really important, it tugs at something in me. My plan this afternoon is to finally watch Wild, so that probably won’t help.

2. Truth: I meant to write this post yesterday. I came into my office just before dinner, was standing at the computer getting ready to start typing when my phone rang. I don’t talk about this much here but someone I love very much is deep in the pit of addiction, at times almost drowning and at other times fighting to get out. There’s a part of me that wants to avoid the situation altogether, to run away, to resist the connection, to let the call go to voice mail and not respond. But there’s another part of me that can’t stand to ignore the suffering. Even if I don’t know what is going to help this person finally be able to find the right help for themselves, I have to keep trying, I have to show up and keep my heart open, not give up. One of the things I did while I was really sick was binge watch episodes of Intervention, trying to get some insight into the situation. I felt like it really did help me in the conversation I had last night, so don’t let anyone tell you TV is all bad.

3. Truth: A shift is happening in me. I’m not sure how it will land exactly, but it has something to do with having better boundaries, living more intentionally, and getting the rest I need. Being sick at the beginning of my summer break, some things that happened at work as I was making my way out, a conversation I had with my therapist, watching people I love struggle and suffer, finishing up Feast and intermediate yoga teacher training have created the perfect conditions for contemplating how I’m living my life, considering if it’s working. I’m reading three books right now that are related: Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight in Our Busy Lives by Wayne Muller, Overwhelmed: Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time by Brigid Schulte, and 10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works by Dan Harris. And the fact that I’m reading three at a time should tell you a little bit about how much I need to really hear what they are saying.

One wish: May we find stillness and quiet and space. May our inherent wisdom and compassion arise from this place of rest. May we trust and have confidence in basic goodness, knowing that it is our fundamental natural state.