Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray)

1. Flowers in the bathroom. The ones from the Farmer’s Market this year have been making me so happy, are giving me goals for my own garden.

2. Moving my body. For years, I smashed myself to bits, and because I was younger and my body more forgiving; putting all those miles on, hammering the weights, spending hours and hours on the elliptical, and pushing through any pain was doable. In the past four years however, there’s been a distinct shift. I got help with my disordered eating and I experienced various injuries and illnesses, all of which made me reconsider my relationship with my body. In the past year, I’ve been more of an advocate for myself, got the kind of help and support I needed when I was hurting. I’ve also found some ways of moving that I absolutely adore and that do no harm.

3. The sweetest mail. I love writing this blog. It is so satisfying and such good writing practice. The fact that anyone reads it is a bonus. The fact that the people who read it are kind and gentle and supportive makes me so happy. And when they take time out of their lives to tell me they appreciate what I’m doing here, that’s just the best.

4. Our garden. We aren’t sure exactly why, but it hasn’t been quite as productive this year, (except for the bindweed, which has been prolific). Each year we add a little, change a little, fail a little, but it always makes me so happy. I would much rather have a chaos of flowers, fruit, veggies, weeds, bugs and bees than a perfect green lawn.

5. My tiny family. I am going to miss them so much when I have to go back to work.

Bonus joy: going to the movies with Eric, finally figuring out the source of the recurring issue with my knees (pes anserine tendonitis/bursitis, not really even my knees) and hopefully coming up with a better fix or at the very least method to manage it, water aerobics, Pilates, peach pie, sleeping in, good books, good TV (Queen Sugar and Insecure’s 2nd seasons are SO good), the cooler weather, Wild Writing, texting, a perfectly ripe avocado, sweet potato and black bean quesadillas with homemade tortillas.

1. I am my own best advocate. Time and time again, I’ve experienced situations where it’s clear I can trust myself, and if I’m looking for clarity or permission I don’t have to depend on other people to provide it. This shows up a lot around my health. Various mysteries have ultimately been understood and then healed because of the work I did, not the professionals. When they were willing to accept the easy or most common answer, even if it was wrong, it was up to me to keep looking, seeking, researching, and asking until we found a real answer.

2. Most people are making an honest effort. All beings just want to be happy and safe, even though the ways they try to make this happen are oftentimes misguided or miss the mark entirely. Even when we get things horribly wrong or cause harm, it’s ultimately because we are confused or hurt or just don’t know any better. And yet, this doesn’t mean we don’t need to take responsibility for the damage we do.

3. Believing I have value and acting like it is the best thing I can do for my health. Unless I do, all of the other products, programs, or plans are just a temporary distraction. Unless I believe I’m worth taking care of, nurturing, nourishing, and loving, nothing else I do will lead to fundamental, lasting wellness. In fact, those other things can actually do harm if I don’t first cultivate a foundation of care and compassion.

One wish: May we be happy, safe, and well, and may our confusion be nothing more than a temporary distraction.