Three Truths and One Wish

It’s a tiny harvest so far, but I’ll take it

The theme for Issue #4 of Mabel Magazine is “what’s next.” Initial pitch and synopsis submissions are due June 19th. Some of the suggested prompts are:

Are you beginning a new chapter in the current adventures of your life or work?
Are you working on plans for a grand new endeavor that will take your work or your life in a new direction?
Do you have a story about how you’re working through and handling a major shift in your work or life?

I’m submitting something, so as I was writing in my journal this morning I was brainstorming what I might write about. Looking back on the life rehab I’ve been undergoing for the past three+ years, I was considering what kind of advice I have for anyone hoping to do the same. Here’s just three things I know to be true when you are making a change.

1. Truth: Know what you want. When I first started to change my life, I knew in general what I wanted, but to get more specific I took all kinds of personality and “what’s your perfect job” sorts of quizzes, assessments, and tests. I spent a lot of time journaling about what I would do if money, time, other people’s feelings, etc. weren’t an issue. I wrote out what my perfect day would look like, made lists of my core values. I took ecourses and read lots of books. I had long conversations with people who understood and sometimes knew better. I wrote a mission statement for my life. I got really clear about what I wanted.

2. Truth: Show up and do the work. This is key. It’s great to spend time dreaming, planning, imagining, talking about the change, your new life, but at some point you have to stop staring at your toes and move. Don’t misunderstand me, though — this doesn’t mean a grand gesture, a big showy shift. It means taking one tiny step, doing one small thing that moves you towards your dream. For me, one way this happened was by writing and/or publishing something every day, starting this blog. Other times it was taking my camera with me and going for a long walk with the dogs. It was completing yoga teacher training. Sometimes it simply meant doing a load of laundry and feeding myself. Whatever it was, it was about not waiting for something to happen, and happening.

3. Truth: Don’t give up. This can take a really long time. It can be frustrating, disappointing, confusing. Your life won’t stop happening, be easy just so you can focus on this one thing. There will be obstacles — and if you are like me, the biggest one will be yourself. There might be layers and layers of stuff you need to work through to get yourself to your true center, to find your true north. You might need special training or certification, or just lots of practice. There might be things you need to heal or let go, and that can be hard, take time. Don’t give up.

One wish: May we know what we want, accept that we are allowed to want it. May we show up with open hearts and the wisdom to do what is necessary. May we keep the faith, hold our truth tenderly, move with courage and love, and never ever ever give up.

Lory State Park, image by Eric

1. Truth: Eric and I have been watching documentaries about hiking the Pacific Coast Trail. It’s the sort of thing he’s always been interested in: stories of long treks, challenging hikes, voyages to places less traveled — people setting off into the wilderness, into the unknown to discover something. Now I’ve got the bug too. I haven’t put my finger on exactly what it is yet, but there’s something about a journey into nature, into that particular mix of silence and chaos, that’s really a journey deeper into yourself. When I hear the hikers talk about quitting jobs, putting their things into storage, leaving behind family and friends, and being transformed by their time away, gaining a new understanding of what’s really important, it tugs at something in me. My plan this afternoon is to finally watch Wild, so that probably won’t help.

2. Truth: I meant to write this post yesterday. I came into my office just before dinner, was standing at the computer getting ready to start typing when my phone rang. I don’t talk about this much here but someone I love very much is deep in the pit of addiction, at times almost drowning and at other times fighting to get out. There’s a part of me that wants to avoid the situation altogether, to run away, to resist the connection, to let the call go to voice mail and not respond. But there’s another part of me that can’t stand to ignore the suffering. Even if I don’t know what is going to help this person finally be able to find the right help for themselves, I have to keep trying, I have to show up and keep my heart open, not give up. One of the things I did while I was really sick was binge watch episodes of Intervention, trying to get some insight into the situation. I felt like it really did help me in the conversation I had last night, so don’t let anyone tell you TV is all bad.

3. Truth: A shift is happening in me. I’m not sure how it will land exactly, but it has something to do with having better boundaries, living more intentionally, and getting the rest I need. Being sick at the beginning of my summer break, some things that happened at work as I was making my way out, a conversation I had with my therapist, watching people I love struggle and suffer, finishing up Feast and intermediate yoga teacher training have created the perfect conditions for contemplating how I’m living my life, considering if it’s working. I’m reading three books right now that are related: Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight in Our Busy Lives by Wayne Muller, Overwhelmed: Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time by Brigid Schulte, and 10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works by Dan Harris. And the fact that I’m reading three at a time should tell you a little bit about how much I need to really hear what they are saying.

One wish: May we find stillness and quiet and space. May our inherent wisdom and compassion arise from this place of rest. May we trust and have confidence in basic goodness, knowing that it is our fundamental natural state.