1. Truth: Yesterday morning, a cup of tea saved me. My favorite is Good Earth Sweet & Spicy. Yesterday was only my second day back at my CSU work after break, and I woke up feeling crappy. I taught my yoga class and felt a bit better, but by the time I got to campus, my throat was killing me. Luckily, I had some packets of my favorite tea in my office, so made myself a cup in a mug my brother gave me a few years ago for my birthday. Something about that tiny little ritual made me able to make it to lunch time, after which I went home and stayed on the couch for the rest of the day.

2. Truth: I know the life I want for myself, the ideal, but I can’t seem to take that final big step. It feels in a lot of ways like I’m standing at the edge of a cliff, and the only thing left is to step off, go over the edge, even though I have no idea exactly how or where I’ll land. There are so many reasons why I don’t want to move, why I’m hesitating — one big one being I have a very comfortable, relatively predictable life right now, and the change I want to make would put me in a place of unknowns and discomfort, a land without a map.

3. Truth: I’m okay with the inbetween. I don’t need to know exactly how this will work out. I don’t need to make any big decisions right now. I don’t need to play this big or lean in or live large or take any kind of risk or upscale anything. It’s okay if I just stand here in the quiet for a bit, contemplating my choices and enjoying the view. I will know when it is time to move, and it won’t be a decision my mind or even my heart makes. It will be a choice that comes from my gut, from a place of deep knowing that doesn’t have to explain itself.

One wish: If you find yourself similarly at a crossroads, may you know that it’s perfectly fine to pause and be still, to do nothing for as long as it takes to muster the courage to choose.

Poudre River, image by Eric

1. Truth: I used to believe that I could keep bad things from happening. This isn’t a joke, not an exaggeration. I really thought that if I were diligent — if I paid attention, prepared, did my research, was smart and good — I could stop bad things from happening, or at least from being so bad when they did happen. This belief was toxic, robbed my life of joy, and as an adult even led to a period of post traumatic stress disorder that lasted for years.

2. Truth: This belief lingers like an echo. I catch myself when there’s an issue, a problem, a threat, or even the hint of something not quite right, shifting into “I have to fix this” mode. I can usually interrupt the habitual response pretty quickly, talk myself down from the ledge, but sometimes even still I’m pretty deep into it before I realize I’m doing it again, and at that point it can be hard to let go.

3. Truth: I can’t control everything, or anything. I can’t stop bad things from happening, and it’s also not entirely my fault if they do. It’s great to check in with myself, consider if anything I did contributed, or if I’m doing anything to generate excess suffering, but I don’t have to walk around all the time feeling responsible for all the things. My power lies in how I respond to what happens. And if I relax, trust in my own inherent goodness, that response comes from a place of wisdom and compassion.

One wish: May we relax, trust in our fundamental goodness, and know deep in our bones that even if the worst happens we will find a way.