1. Truth: No matter what, there’s always this. That’s what I thought when I saw the love note Eric had left me on the kitchen counter this morning. I don’t remember exactly why or when he started to leave them, just that it was somehow related to a really hard time I was having. It’s telling that I can’t remember which particular hard time that was, because there have been many in recent years. Once he found out I was saving the notes, he started leaving them all the time. It’s probably not entirely clear from the above picture, but this one is actually pretty elaborate — the paper was originally white and he colored in the background with a yellow highlighter.

2. Truth: You can’t breathe in the future or the past. This is an instruction Susan Piver sometimes gives as she’s leading the Open Heart Project in meditation. It reinforces the purpose of placing our attention on our breath, bringing us into the present moment because that is where our breath is happening. If you notice you are breathing, it is the present moment and you are present with it. It’s very practical, but I also love it as a metaphor. If you are caught up in some version of a future that may never actually happen or stuck in a past that is already dead, you can’t breathe. You are suffocating yourself by not being present for your experience as it is happening.

3. Truth: When I starve myself of what I need, I stay a hungry ghost. This is so true, so raw and tender, that I’m not even sure how to explain it to you, kind and gentle reader. I think right now I’m afraid to talk about it, to tell you the truth of it, to look it straight in the eye, or even to sit with it myself. I feel like if I name it, if I give it a form, the carefully constructed keeping it together will come apart at the seams. I’m caught up in old patterns of abandoning myself, denying myself, and in my suffering I seek out clarity and understanding, work to face my experience with compassion, and try not to give up. It’s all I can do.

One wish: We are all trying so hard. By the merit of our effort, may suffering be eased — in ourselves and in the world.

1. Truth: Snow day! It started snowing yesterday morning and never stopped. This morning we woke up to 14.5 inches and it’s still going. All the schools are closed, even CSU — which NEVER happens. I even had to cancel my 7 am yoga class this morning. Eric walked the dogs (in snow so deep, it was more like swimming than walking) and he said there are cars stuck and/or wrecked all over. They plow the main roads here, but rarely ever the neighborhoods, especially not ours. I’m all caught up on laundry, so I’ll most likely be cooking today — sweet potatoes for quesadillas for dinner, butternut squash, and some muffins. Then I might write a few letters, read, take a nap. I am most certainly doing all that in my pjs. The glory of a snow day is you can do whatever you want, but there’s also not much you can do because you can’t really leave the house (my favorite!).

2. Truth: Having to cancel my yoga class this morning made me realize how much I love teaching. I thought I’d be as giddy to have a snow day for yoga as getting to skip my other work, but I was actually sad that I wasn’t going to get to teach. Luckily, I’m subbing my other yoga class Wednesday and Friday morning, and the roads should be clear by then, so I get another chance.

3. Truth: I am so so so lucky. I am happy, and when I’m not, I’m still okay. I am safe. I am healthy, and when I’m not I have health insurance and good doctors. I am financially stable. I get paid snow days and sick days, and summers off. I just bought a new car. I have a good husband. My dogs are healthy and happy, they love me and are stupid cute. I have people who love me, people who like me, and those who don’t aren’t spending any energy trying to hurt me. I have access to clean water and live in a house with heat and a beautiful bathroom. I have a refrigerator full of food, and when I’m hungry, actually have the luxury of thinking to myself, “what do I want to eat?” I could keep going, make a list of 2000 things, but you get the idea.

One wish (or more): May all beings be happy. May all beings be healthy. May all beings be safe. May all beings live with ease. And when this isn’t possible, may all beings find a way to keep going, not give up. May suffering be eased.