1. Truth: I need a lot of rest. And more specifically, I need rest to recover from effort and engagement. The past few months, I’ve spent a lot of time focusing on my body and what would make it feel good. Some of that meant movement (walking the dogs, aqua aerobics, Pilates, and yoga in particular), but some of it meant visits to the doctor, getting a massage, a session with my physical therapist, three hours on the couch with a heating pad, a really long nap, or going to the Farmer’s Market to be sure I had fresh carrots and peaches.

2. Truth: I go back to work next week. To be honest (because this is a post about truth), I’m not sure how that’s going to go. I’m stepping back into a moment in the academic year that is notoriously chaotic, as well as returning to a huge ongoing project that I will need to help complete, and I have a new intern to get settled. I’m not sure how all that will align with my need for rest, my commitment to giving my body what it wants.

3. Truth: I return with a new question. It came to me recently as I was doing my morning writing practice. Forgive me if I already mentioned it, but it came to me that my fundamental confusion rests in this question — Am I denying myself what I’m truly hungry for or am I resisting what is? I’m not sure I can explain, but it’s related to my search for deep meaning in my life, and my growing awareness of my particular energetic requirements. It’s a question about the source of my discomfort, the cause of my dis-ease. So, when I dread going back to work, or I am uncomfortable being there, is it because I really should be somewhere else or am I resisting what is and therefore generating unnecessary suffering for myself in that way? Should I be looking for an exit, or should I learn how to stay?

One wish: May my path clarify my confusion, and may my confusion dawn as wisdom. (Based on the The Four Dharmas of Gampopa).

1. I am my own best advocate. Time and time again, I’ve experienced situations where it’s clear I can trust myself, and if I’m looking for clarity or permission I don’t have to depend on other people to provide it. This shows up a lot around my health. Various mysteries have ultimately been understood and then healed because of the work I did, not the professionals. When they were willing to accept the easy or most common answer, even if it was wrong, it was up to me to keep looking, seeking, researching, and asking until we found a real answer.

2. Most people are making an honest effort. All beings just want to be happy and safe, even though the ways they try to make this happen are oftentimes misguided or miss the mark entirely. Even when we get things horribly wrong or cause harm, it’s ultimately because we are confused or hurt or just don’t know any better. And yet, this doesn’t mean we don’t need to take responsibility for the damage we do.

3. Believing I have value and acting like it is the best thing I can do for my health. Unless I do, all of the other products, programs, or plans are just a temporary distraction. Unless I believe I’m worth taking care of, nurturing, nourishing, and loving, nothing else I do will lead to fundamental, lasting wellness. In fact, those other things can actually do harm if I don’t first cultivate a foundation of care and compassion.

One wish: May we be happy, safe, and well, and may our confusion be nothing more than a temporary distraction.