Metta Prayer | Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray)

Dexter and I are at home, resting, while Eric is at Lory State Park hiking and running with Sam. Last night, when we came home from dinner out, Dexter was limping again. In the last three months, he’s cracked a toenail and spent a few days limping, three different times. His toenails aren’t to blame this time. Instead, he did too much and strained his paw.

Dexter on Arthur's Rock, Lory State Park

On Friday, Eric took both dogs to Lory State Park and they ran/hiked up to the Towers, a ten mile trail, half of which is really steep. Dex was fine yesterday morning (and the hike isn’t out of the ordinary for him), but then we found four tennis balls in the little dog park, and even though we’ve had to cut down on Dexter’s fetch time in the last year because he ends up hurt, it’s so hard to say no when it makes him so happy, so after the hike, the tennis balls, and two walks yesterday, it was just a little too much. It’s so sad, because he wants to keep going, do everything he’s always done, but he’s reached an age that we sometimes have to step in and force a time out. When we got up this morning, he wasn’t limping anymore, and really wanted to go with Eric and Sam, but we thought it best that he stay home and rest. Even healthy, almost young, working breed dogs need a day of rest from time to time.

Which has me thinking again how important it is for me to cultivate time for rest. I’ve been thinking about adding another regular feature to the blog, so starting today, Sundays on A Thousand Shades of Gray will be “Day of Rest.” I’m going to try again to cultivate and keep a sabbath day in my life, a day of prayer and rest. On these days I’d like to offer you, kind and gentle readers, something that might help you in that same pursuit.

image by Kevin J. Charles

Today, it’s “30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself.” There are so many items on this list that resonated with me. For example, #1 is “Stop spending time with the wrong people,” which I have been working on this year. The explanation says, in part, “Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.” There were many others on this list that had me tearing up, nodding my head, and whispering “yes, that too.”

On a day of rest, pick just one item from this list that particularly resonates with you. Contemplate it, consider what it means to stop doing this one thing, reflect on where in your life you could apply it, meditate for even just a few minutes on how your life might change if you were to actually stop–then let go of it and simply rest.

Mantras, prayers for this day of rest:

You’re already good enough, you already have more than enough, and you’re already perfect…You already have everything you need to be happy, right here and right now, (read “you’re already perfect” by Leo Babauta of zenhabits.net).

“You, yourself, as much as anybody else in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha, (read “How to Love Your Authentic Self” by Lori Deschene of Tiny Buddha).

On this day of rest,

May you be peaceful.
May you be happy.
May you be safe.
May you awaken to the light of your true nature.
May you be free.

I did it again: pushed myself so hard, I got sick. Even though I know I’m wired this way: too tired = sick, I continue to push past my limits, not get enough rest or take proper care of myself. When I won’t listen, keep going anyway, my body revolts, shuts down. Headaches, tension, dizziness, nausea, unable to process what I eat like a body should, inability to think clearly or make good decisions–exhaustion.

This morning, I listened to some of Tara Brach‘s cd “Radical Self-Acceptance: A Buddhist Guide to Freeing Yourself from Shame.” She also wrote a book on the same topic, “Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha.” For me, these teachings pair perfectly with the work of Brene’ Brown. In the part I listened to, Tara talked about how our culture’s addiction to rushing, busyness, overwork, and the pressure to do more, be more is a kind of violence. She said that the Chinese character for “busyness” is translated as “heart killing.”

And yet, what did I do while I listened to her talk about this habitual strategy that causes so much suffering? Even when I’d taken a sick day from work, had been willing to admit I needed a break and rest? I cleaned off my desk and balanced the checkbook and did some mending. Sick as I am, even when I am willing to admit it and stay home, I don’t allow myself to rest, do less, just be. Even now, I should be on the couch, taking a nap, and here I am instead.

“Perhaps the biggest tragedy of our lives is that freedom is possible, yet we can pass our years trapped in the same old patterns…We may want to love other people without holding back, to feel authentic, to breathe in the beauty around us, to dance and sing. Yet each day we listen to inner voices that keep our life small.” ~Tara Brach, “Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha.”

Tara suggests that we take a “sacred pause.” She said that “we can’t see what’s true…when we are busy blaming, hiding, and fixing and improving and getting other things done.” Just a little while ago, I went into the backyard and sat in the sun. It’s cold out today, so I was in a sweater, down vest, flannel pjs, and snow boots, but sat in the sun, my own little Sun Salutation, (without all the moving around). I took a sacred pause. I closed my eyes and listened to the kids on recess at the grade school around the corner, the wind in the trees, my own breath in and out. I felt the true measure, the full depth and weight of my weariness. And once again, I said to myself, “I am so sorry. You deserve so much better.”