Category Archives: Inner Pilot Light

Day of Rest

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freedomthanksgivingcrow“The message is sending me a universe.” That’s exactly how I mistyped the way I intended to begin this post, meaning to tell you that the universe has been sending me a message. I like the mistake so much I am keeping it, because it’s just as true as what I meant to say.

As I work this weekend with Rachel Cole’s Wisdom Notes, Reset. Revive. Restart., Reverb12, and Susannah Conway’s Unravelling The Year Ahead workbook, (as well as attempting to do the laundry, pay bills and balance the checkbook, clean up the house, get groceries, care for the boys and myself…*sigh*), certain things are emerging, becoming clear.

One thing that I want to share with you today, because maybe this is a thing for you too–the rightness of being myself. So many quotes, so much wisdom has come my way in just the past few days about this, and every cell in my body, every corner of my mind, every breath and heartbeat says “yes” and “oh, hell yeah” in response.

babyme

The phone is ringing, darling. Pick up. Pick up! It’s the Universe, with a directive just for you – a way you can be of service in the world, a calling just for you that you can choose to accept or reject. You may be tempted to reject the calling, because it’s likely to feel scary and push you out of your comfort zone. You have free will, so the choice is yours. But I’m here to tell you that if you’re brave enough to accept the calling, not only will you be part of healing the world; you will also open doors that will lead you to a life of mission, service, abundance, love, connection, and work you love. Will you muster up your courage, answer the call, and bring your brilliance into the world? ~Inner Pilot Light

meanddressy

We may doubt that we’re up to being a warrior-in-training. But we can ask ourselves this question: “Do I prefer to grow up and relate to life directly, or do I choose to live and die in fear?” ~Pema Chödrön

clown

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude. ~Denis Waitley

meanddex

I keep having to remind myself, and wanted to take the chance to remind you, to welcome what’s here. To not fight with myself or it. I think it’s one of the hardest things to learn, particularly for those of us who believe we know what’s supposed to happen, and that we could do a better job at controlling the immediate universe!

Krishnamurti, the great spiritual teacher was once asked about his enlightenment. He said, “The answer is: I don’t mind what happens.” It’s such a different life, both inside and outside, when we don’t mind what happens. The tight fist in the chest opens. The body relaxes, and suddenly, even if there is sadness or loss, there is the ability to hold it–and to hold oneself. Such a gift. Such love. ~Geneen Roth

me

…our relationship with ourselves is like a mighty pebble tossed into a
still lake, everything ripples out from that center point. ~Rachel Cole

You, yourself, as much as anybody else in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. ~Buddha

scribble

You suppose you are the trouble
But you are the cure
You suppose you are the lock on the door
But you are the key that opens it
It’s too bad that you want to be someone else
You don’t see your own face, your own beauty
Yet, no face is more beautiful than yours.
~Rumi

purplefleecerobe

In the end
these things matter most:
How well did you love?
How fully did you live?
How deeply did you let go?
~Siddhartha Gautama

superhero earth necklace made by andrea scher, a gift to myself

May I have the courage today
To live the life that I would love,
To postpone my dream no longer
But do at last what I came here for
And waste my heart on fear no more.
~John O’Donohue

Book Writing Saturday

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Sometimes writing is a lot like the way my mind works when I am walking with my dogs–a collection of random thoughts, a flood of images and phrases, moments of amazement and suffering, even of boredom. If these things are connected at all, it’s by the crazy maze my heart makes, the pattern of my breath, a map written in the blood ink of a warrior and traveled in dreams, both awake and asleep, only making sense in a way that’s beyond any language, but is still so completely true and knowable, tangible.

Walking with Dexter today, it was both an entirely new walk and every walk we’d ever taken. We were together and alone, completely connected in some moments, while in others we were limited to our ability to physically connect. I remembered, anticipated the grief that comes from one of us losing that physical reality, that body that can be known, seen and touched, and how when love loses its ability to attach to that, that reference point, that thing that can be held, we can become confused, lost, believing (wrongly so) that love goes with the body, that it ends there, with that physical separation. I spend now, this walk, memorizing his body, the way he moves, his soft fur with all it’s amazing colors, how serious he is about the walking but at the same time how much joy he feels doing it, the way he looks at me, his smile, his shadow, but also knowing that when that body is gone, the love we have will remain.

I stepped in poop while we were walking. It made me think, “when you don’t clean up after your dog, someone else will step in it.” It made me laugh, because that’s true about life in general, the choices we make: if you don’t clean up your mess, don’t tend to your shit, it will become someone else’s problem. Then when I got home and was cleaning up our own yard, actively dealing with my own shit, I managed to step in another pile, “my own” mess. If I continue with the metaphor, I’m not quite sure what that means–even when you are dealing with your issues, cleaning up after yourself, you might still get dirty, get hurt?

And later, inside, a post on Facebook from Your Inner Pilot Light, which said:

Love feels crazy vulnerable, doesn’t it? Love can drop you to your knees. Love can break your heart. Love can crush you if you let it. But what’s the alternative? Closing your heart? Shutting out love? Choosing fear instead? Nope. I know you, precious. And you know better. You know that love can also open you up. Love can make you giddy. Love leaves you feeling radically alive. Love improves your health. Love connects you, not just to other people, but to me, to Source. Love is the antidote to fear. What do you choose, darling?

I choose love, always love, which guarantees that I’ll be hurt. Maybe that’s the point, the pattern, the message of all the random thoughts, the moments big and small, the piles of shit, the love and the loss–life is beautiful and brutal, tender and terrible, but keep your heart open anyway, surrender to what is, stay awake, experience all of it. This is the way to live, to be fully alive. Of course, Dexter already knows all of this.