1. Morning walks. I’ve been calling it “river medicine” when we get to walk by the water. This past week, I could start to see the tiniest bit of fall creeping in, although it’s also greener than it’s ever been this late in the summer because of all the rain we’ve had. We saw a heron and heard an owl one morning when we walked along the river. I also noticed that the narrowleaf cottonwoods, one of my favorite fall color trees, are losing their leaves from a fungus (again, because of all the rain) but my friend Jim assured me it makes the leaves drop but doesn’t kill the tree. The other days we walked at the cemetery, which I could call “death medicine.” 

2. Family. My dad is still here/there, still under hospice care, and in related news, my mom had a stroke last week and is in the hospital. Seriously, it’s so awful it’s almost unbelievable, bordering on ridiculous. Thank goodness it was a “small” stroke, but she is still going to need some time in a rehab, which means my brother and nieces, my mom’s siblings and friends are all helping out, taking care of Dad and visiting with Mom. I’m so grateful I got to spend the time with them I did recently, and so glad that there are so many other people who love them who can offer their support when I can’t be there. 

3. Practice. It really is the only reason I’m still standing, still here, not losing my sh*t right now. This past weekend I did a restorative yoga teacher training and it made me realize that even now, STILL, I deny myself comfort and care, that I still have work to do when it comes to really and fully loving and honoring myself. 

4. Massage with Dana. Even though I’ve been seeing her for the past eight years and no one else, that’s still what I put on my calendar when we have a session, “Massage with Dana.” She really is the best. I trust her, we make each other laugh, she’s so kind and smart, I can talk to her about anything, and it’s incredibly healing to work with her. 

5. My tiny family, small home, little life. I love it here, so much.

Bonus joy: figuring out that if my Kindle library loan is due back but I’m not finished and can’t renew it because someone else has it on hold all I have to do is put my Kindle in airplane mode and they can’t take the book back, being able to get books from the library for my Kindle, the library, books, sharing books, Tour de Fat because even though I complain about the complete chaos of it every year I’m glad that people are willing to be weird in public and bring their kids and dogs along, I’m also grateful that I made it though another Tour de Fat without killing anyone on a bike because half of them are drunk and the other half aren’t paying attention, rewatching Iron Chef with Eric, fans of all sorts, tomatoes and raspberries from the garden, the Rocky Mountain Bee plant in our front yard, being able to text with Chris and Mom, the texts Chloe’ sends me and the Instagram reels Shellie shares with me, that Chelsey understands exactly what I’m going through, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.  

1. Morning walks. Lately, the only places I’ve wanted to walk are either by the river or in the cemetery, which makes sense — river medicine and death meditation. Both places are bringing me peace at a time when that is so necessary.

2. Hospice. It gives me some comfort to know that they are available to help. And did you know that Medicare covers 100% of the cost? Pays the staff and provides supplies. The people who chose that line of work are angels in scrubs.

3. Practice. It continues to save me, allows me to be present with what is, to not freak out or run away or check out when things get hard — and they get HARD. I’ve been practicing, in particular lately, The Nine Contemplations on Death from Atisha.

4. Good food and being able to make it. It’s one of the things I can do to provide comfort and nourishment, for myself and others, and I’m so grateful for that.

5. My tiny family, small home, little life. While I was in Oregon, Eric made me a daily love note and sent me a picture of it. He even snuck one into the bag of tea I’d packed in my suitcase so I’d find it when I got there. I was so glad to be there with my “other” family when I was, and also glad that I have such a wonderful place and person and puppy to come back home to. It’s good to be here, even as I want to be there.

Bonus joy: smart phones, texting, being able to Google just about anything you need to get or know about, that my mom doesn’t have to worry about money and I know she’ll be able to take care of herself, the support of friends and family, bees, hummingbird moths feeding on my Colorado bee plant, raspberries, how green everything still is this late in the summer, training with Shelby and the gang, aqua aerobics, massage, naps, clean sheets, clean air and water, baby deer, all the birds, trees, the sky, a/c, being confident that I could cook just about anything, a lunch date with Eric, Hendrix and Lia’s first days of school, marionberries, the treats from Depoe Baykery that my aunt brought over, a clean bathroom, being able to let go even when it’s hard, books, good TV, that corner of the couch, flip flops and sandals, being barefoot, malas, dreaming, writing in the morning with a mug of green tea, sharing my breakfast (and every other meal, to be honest) with Ringo, yoga with Jamie, restorative yoga teacher training, access to healthcare, Eric home safe after being gone all day, curls, poetry, making each other laugh, good ideas, being able to get books from the library for my Kindle, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.