1. Morning walks. It was so nice to get back to these once I was back from Oregon, but it’s a bit bittersweet because I have surgery on Tuesday and it will be a few weeks before I can get back to them again.

2. Being in Oregon with my family, then returning home to Colorado to my tiny family. It was good to be there and we got some things accomplished (got another MRI for Mom and scheduled a follow-up appointment with her neurologist, as well as getting another caretaker hired so my brother can be back home sleeping in his own bed and able to work more often, along with a haircut for Mom, getting her glasses adjusted and taking her to a dentist appointment, a birthday dinner for my brother, birthday present for Warren, and some futzing and organizing around Mom’s house). It was a lot, and it was good, and I’m SO glad to be back home.

3. Practice. It keeps my heart open, keeps me from falling apart, keeps me from giving up.

4. Rest. Since I got back to Colorado, I’ve basically been hibernating. Partly because I was exhausted and had a lot of big emotions to process, and partly because I knew I had surgery coming up and needed to be ready for that.

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. There’s nothing like being gone for a few weeks to remind me how much I love it here — not that I’d forgotten. The first morning I was back, Eric got up and he and Ringo left the bedroom to go to the kitchen for breakfast, and even though food is Ringo’s favorite thing, he turned around and wanted Eric to let him back in because he wanted to check and be sure I really was home. And remember when I posted a link to a tiny brass deer a few weeks ago, saying I was adding it to my list of things I didn’t need but still wanted? When I came into my practice room that first morning, one was sitting on my meditation shrine, a gift from Eric.

Bonus joy: good books, listening to podcasts, getting upgraded to a brand new rental car, having snow but not so much that it made travel difficult, pizza, learning how to make Eric’s homemade chicken noodle soup, being able to help, being able to maintain boundaries, getting good sleep, donuts from Depoe Baykery, visiting with family and friends, a few really nice days before the rain started, paying bills, doing laundry, cooking, a warm shower, sleeping with the window open, slowing down, cheese, peanut butter, clean sheets, ice cream, seeing Chloe’, dinner with Jon & Chelsey, canceled plans, hugs, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep. 

1. Morning walks. I probably don’t need to add any “why” here, because the pictures are self-explanatory — amazing, beautiful, quiet, good company, and THE SKY! This week, we also saw “Big Red,” (that’s not his actual name, at least I don’t think so and I can’t get close enough to read his tag), one of my favorite neighborhood dogs and somehow Ringo likes him too. He’s a big cattle dog/pit mix (or something like that) with splashes of red and other tiny freckles of the same where he’s white, with a big blocky head, wrinkly face, and such a sweet temperament. Ringo can be a grumpy old man, especially with dogs that are bigger than him and those he considers too rowdy, but for some reason, he likes Big Red, and it makes me happy to see it.

2. Practice. Time to be quiet and still and at ease. To contemplate and comfort and confront.

These few words are enough
If not these words, this breath
If not this breath, this sitting here

This opening to the life
We have refused
Again and again
Until now
Until now

~David Whyte

3. Snow. It was only a few inches, coming down in those big fat fluffy flakes, and we really need so much more but I’ll take it.

4. Breakfast burritos. There are certain foods that are so complete and perfect and good. They make me happy, make me feel satisfied and nourished. Bread and potatoes and rice, all the things that health and fitness influencers would have us reject altogether, are so versatile and delicious. I’ll add to the list of complete, perfect, and good food: tacos and pizza. Oatmeal cookies are pretty amazing too.

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. I’m leaving for a short trip to Oregon next week. My brother’s birthday is coming up and when I thought about what to get him, I realized that giving him a short break from his role as our mom’s primary caretaker is the best “present” I could offer. AND, that means I’ll be there and my whole life will be here and I am going to miss it and them. Eric and I have spent more time apart this past six months than we have almost the entire 30 years that came before. I don’t love it. Luckily, the next trip I have planned to Oregon after that includes Eric and Ringo, and the beach.

Bonus joy: a warm shower, physical therapy, massage, getting in the pool, sitting in the sauna, the hydromassage chair, making each other laugh, friends that can hold space for both grief and joy, writing with my Friday morning sangha, a soft oversized hoodie, wool socks, down blankets and pillows and jackets, gummies, naps, watching TV, listening to podcasts, good books, being able to check out library books on my Kindle, libraries and librarians, poetry and poets, fingernail clippers, dental floss, watercolors, citrus, my dad’s grade school pictures, practicing yoga at Red Sage, being friends with a local surgeon so you can get a good recommendation when you need one, being able to schedule my hernia repair surgery while Eric is on Spring Break and between Oregon trips, those realizations I have just as I’m drifting off to sleep, hugs in the kitchen, laundry, groceries, that corner of the couch, twinkle lights, pictures from places where flowers are already blooming, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.