1. Morning walks. I can only go a few miles, and this morning was the first time I went somewhere other than around our neighborhood. It was so nice. The tricky part right now is I could probably go on a full length walk, but I can’t be in charge of Ringo yet. He’s pretty good on a leash, but he’s still a dog so sometimes I’m walking one way and he tries to pull me in the opposite direction and with a pretty big incision still healing, that’s not good. I have a follow up appointment with my surgeon on Monday and I’m hoping he’ll clear me to get back in the pool which will help build my strength back up and maybe in another week or two, I can be back to regular morning walks.

2. Rest and recovery. Every single thing I read about healing from this particular surgery said, “when you are tired, rest” and I’ve been doing my best to do that and am feeling a little better every day. I’m so grateful that I have the time and support to be able to just rest and take care of myself. Eric and I were talking this morning as we walked about our upcoming trip to Oregon, where we’ll spend most of the time at the beach. He couldn’t remember if it was two years ago or longer since we last went together, and I told him it was only two years even though it feels like longer because so much has happened since then, and he sighed and said, “yeah, we need a vacation.”

3. Good food. Cooking can be a pain sometimes, mostly because I have a bad habit of waiting until I’m already hungry to consider what to make myself to eat, which makes me hangry and impatient and resort to eating whatever is fast, which is never as good as something I cook. As I’ve had a bit more energy this week, I’ve been trying to cook myself something every day, even if it’s just “fancy” mac and cheese. I finally made the zucchini bread I’d been meaning to for a few weeks and am currently obsessed with honey roasted spicy carrots.

4. Streaming content and portable viewing devices. It’s very nice when you need to rest, to stay “down” but aren’t really up to reading the whole day, that I can take my phone or laptop to the couch or bed and watch a movie or a tv show or listen to a podcast or audiobook.

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. I’m realizing as I stay home more and rest how little I need that is outside this space. Sure, I miss going to the gym and have to go to the grocery store, etc., from time to time, but I’m the most content just staying home with my books and my boys and my bed. And I am not delusional — I recognize how much outside this space has to be in place and functional in order for me to be able to just stay here, and I’m grateful for all that too.

Bonus joy: not responding to the message I got from the person who has my old job asking some question about email FIVE years after I stopped working there (“not my circus, not my monkeys”), crying, all the things I’ve lost because I was lucky enough to have them in the first place, all the things I really wanted and didn’t get because I wouldn’t have landed where I am now, the reminder that “what you engage with you empower” right when I needed it, my mom having a UTI and NOT another stroke (which was the concern when my brother took her to the ER last night), how my mom might not have the best memory right now and gets confused but I can always make her laugh, homemade chicken noodle soup (Knorr Chicken Bouillon is the secret), texting with Chris and Chloe’, sharing reels and memes with Sherri and Kari and Carrie, having a few cups of coffee and realizing I really do like green matcha tea better, surrendering to what is happening instead of resisting it because it’s not what I “wanted,” Susannah Conway’s two new kittens, remembering that a breakdown or a total collapse doesn’t mean the end but rather opens the possibility for something new to emerge (“Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing” ~Arundhati Roy or “Barn’s burnt down — now I can see the moon” ~Mizuta Masahide), my Wild-ish Writing sangha, good books, poetry and poets, comedy, true crime, how much Ringo loves to eat, hugging Eric, sitting with him on the couch, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep. 

1. Snow. Same day, three years ago, we got about 16 inches, and about ten years ago at the very end of Spring Break, we had close to three feet, so it’s absolutely normal to get some bigger snows this time of year, and they usually are just like this: wet and heavy. I was in bed recovering and Eric was a able to do a remote version of his big presentation at a meeting happening in Denver, where they got about double the amount of snow we had here. Of course, later in the week, it’s supposed to be back up into the low 60s.

2. Recovery from surgery. I am grateful it is going so well, but it’s also been rough. The first day, I developed a reaction to either meds I was giving with anesthesia or the mega doses of acetaminophen and ibuprofen I was taking to avoid having to take the more powerful pain meds (flushed, hot, itchy face and chest), so I had to stop those, which made the pain harder to manage. Then the few doses of opioids I needed to take backed me up and I was miserable for another 24 hours, and so dependent on ice packs to help with the pain that I got ice burns on my belly and had to back off on that relief. THEN, because I had to stop my HRT for a few days because where my estrogen patch has to attach is right where my incision and stiches sit, I started something called a “withdrawal bleed.” But today, I’m feeling better and am going to remove some of the bandages, take a shower, and restart my HRT — fingers crossed it all goes much easier from here on out. I have had good company while I rest and recover. The best company, my favorite.

3. Good books. Many people I know on social media brag about how they no longer read self-help books, like they’ve somehow evolved past them. There are a lot of bad ones, and it can be problematic to read a bunch but not manifest any sort of change, or conversely to always be bullying yourself into being a “better version” of you, whatever that means, but when you find a good one at the right moment, just when you need and are ready for it, it can actually really help. I just finished Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, Or Self-Involved Parents, and wow… I feel like all of us from a certain generation raised in a culture of people from another particular generation (or just about any that came before ours, I suppose) should read this book. It seems like a pretty universal experience. I’ve also been reading everything Brianna Wiest has ever written. I also just finished The Book of Longings (a novel, not self-help) and wow, I did not expect that.

4. Our body’s capacity to heal, to keep going. It’s pretty amazing.

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. This is the only place I can truly rest and recover. They take such good care of me here.

Bonus joy: texting with Chloe’ and Chris, sharing reels and memes with Kari and Shellie and Carrie, being able to take time off when I need it, bird song in the mornings, ice packs, flannel sheets, all five pillows, streaming content I can access on my phone, all the naps, blackout curtains and white noise machines, mashed potatoes, baby carrots, a hot mug of green tea, my care team at Harmony Surgery Center and my surgeon, health insurance, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.