1. Morning walks. Still not quite there yet but just knowing I will be soon is enough.

2. Yesterday was my mom’s birthday. Today would have been my dad’s 83rd. It feels weird that I can’t call him and tell him “Happy Birthday” or “I love you.” I lit a candle when I meditated this morning, which is as close as I can get, I suppose. Maybe I need to visit a Wind Phone.

3. Chloe’. She knew it was my dad’s birthday today, so yesterday, she brought ME a card and a slice of cake and a hug. She really is one of the best humans I know.

4. Good food. Yesterday it was a biscuit with strawberries and strawberry rhubarb jam along with a zucchini egg bake with caramelized onions. Last week I made raspberry bran muffins and chocolate chip oatmeal cookies with toasted walnuts. When Eric gets home from his run today, we are going out to lunch, and for dinner I’m making breakfast burritos using the last of the fresh eggs from Shaun. When you have such a long history with disordered eating, it’s a huge thing to feed yourself, to enjoy what you eat.

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. Things can be hard but as long as I have this, I’m okay.

Bonus joy: getting in the pool and the sauna, naps, listening to podcasts, watching good TV and movies, clean laundry, a warm shower, things turning green and blooming, bird song in the early morning, twinkle lights, that corner of the couch, making art with Janice, texting with Chloe’ and Carrie and Chelsey, sweet Kari spending those last days with her dad, the pictures she sent of him with his dog, all the dumb things that make Eric and I laugh, just sitting on the couch with him talking about everything and nothing, hugs, when Ringo comes in from outside and his head is warm and he smells like grass, writing with my Friday morning sangha, scheduling yoga classes for June, Jennae’s new puppy who looks like a brown version of Obi and is named Porkchop, talking with Frank, seeing Shelby, patchouli, daffodils and forsythia, sunshine, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep. 

1. Morning walks. I hardly get to go right now, as I’m still healing, but I’m hoping to get back out there regularly in a week or two. Until then, sometimes Eric comes back home mid walk and we go out for another few miles together and when I don’t go, he shares pictures with me so I don’t miss it altogether.

2. Time to rest. There are actually seven types of rest, (check out this Ted Talk from board-certified internal medicine physician Saundra Dalton-Smith, in which she “reveals the real reason why we are chronically tired despite getting the requisite amount of sleep and the 6 other types of rest” or this interview with CNN, 7 strategies for truly restorative rest): physical, mental, emotional, sensory, creative, social, and spiritual. Honestly, in the past six months, I’ve needed ALL of them. So much so, I feel like I’ve paused just about everything I can in order to do just that: REST.

3. Good food. This week, there was cake. I find that when I try to satisfy a craving for something sweet with something at the grocery store, it never works, because what they have is never as good as I can make at home. So this week, that’s what I did — made my own. These are two of my favorite recipes: Vanilla Snack Cake (I do a buttercream frosting that is powdered sugar, butter, and cream cheese) and Chocolate Zucchini Bread.

4. Books. I’m reading some really good ones right now: When You’re Ready, This is How You Heal by Brianna Wiest and A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara. I’m kind of obsessed with both these authors right now, am working my way through everything they’ve written.

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. This week Eric and I went to two shows, both comedy but very different kinds. One was Mike Birbiglia, who is currently touring and working out his new show, and who is one of my favorite storytellers, podcasters, film makers, comedians, and writers. The other show was aggressively sexual and while he was pretty funny, it was also mildly uncomfortable. Both were fun and time I got to spend with my favorite person, so win/win.

When Eric and Ringo were out walking this morning, two Spanish speaking men called Ringo a “pequeño [little] coyote.” They weren’t wrong. 🙂

Bonus joy: brunch with Carrie, texting with Chloe’, sharing memes and reels with Sherrie and Kari and Carrie, texting with my brother and mom, naps, dinner and a comedy show with Stefan and Shaun, tortillas, blue sky, movies, listening to podcasts, healing and knowing that it takes time, being able to get in the pool and the sauna again, the chance to start over as many times as necessary, spring flowers starting to bloom, a warm shower, that the neighbor’s dog now barks more than Ringo so I don’t feel so bad about all the times he goes in the backyard and yells because he’s bored, slowing down, being able to honor what I need, celery and peanut butter, hot honey roasted carrots, potatoes, a big glass of cold clean water, getting a refund on our state taxes that’s more than what we owed to federal, dreaming of the beach, practice, libraries, down blankets and pillows, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.