1. Morning walks. I did two this week, am aiming for three next. We’ve had a true Colorado spring this past week, with some days up to 78 degrees and some days of snow. Ringo has arthritis in his elbows and was feeling pretty stiff yesterday, so this next week’s walks will most likely be slower and shorter, and that’s fine by me.

 

2. Practice. Keeping me sane, enabling me to stay here.

3. Brunch with Cynthia and Chloe’. Cynthia was on a road trip that would bring her our way, so she was able to stop and visit. We’ve been writing together for years, but had never met each other in person. My Friday morning wild-ish writing sangha is one of the most powerful practices I have and I’m so grateful for the other humans who continue to practice with me. 

4. Good food. I am still learning how to feed myself because the “little me” whose access was restricted in the name of “health” and because of scarcity, and the younger me who made her own choice to restrict because she thought that made her “healthy” and “good” and maybe even attractive, are both SO hungry, still. It’s a delicate balance, between them and the me now, and I’m still figuring it out. 

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. Only a few more weeks until we pack up the car and head to Oregon for a bit. I am dreaming of the beach, where we’ll be for most of our stay, just the three of us, exactly how I like it.

Bonus joy: clean sheets, naps, listening to podcasts, cooking, writing in the early morning with my HappyLight and a warm cup of green tea, boundaries, giving myself permission to let go, stained glass when the light hits it, snow covered blooms, gummies, getting in the pool and sauna, going out to eat, comedy, good movies and TV on streaming, good kids in our neighborhood we can hire to do yardwork and water the plants when we are away, getting to see Chloe’ in person THREE times in one week, how much Ringo LOVES her (almost as much as me), new tires on my car, stickers, yoga (feels so good after a long break), mantra practice, meditation practice, dreaming that both my mom and dad recovered and were living their lives like they did 20 years ago, good surgery outcomes for two of my aunts, quiet, how peaceful and comfortable my home feels to me, endless opportunities to start over, photo magnets, Pancho complaining in the background as Chloe’ read, Indy being adopted by a member of his original person’s family, animal rescues and rescuers, hospice nurses and aides, the joy of picking which book to read next, hoodies, wool socks, down pillows and blankets, caramelized onions, paprika, fresh chicken eggs, a warm shower, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.   

1. Morning walks. Still not quite there yet but just knowing I will be soon is enough.

2. Yesterday was my mom’s birthday. Today would have been my dad’s 83rd. It feels weird that I can’t call him and tell him “Happy Birthday” or “I love you.” I lit a candle when I meditated this morning, which is as close as I can get, I suppose. Maybe I need to visit a Wind Phone.

3. Chloe’. She knew it was my dad’s birthday today, so yesterday, she brought ME a card and a slice of cake and a hug. She really is one of the best humans I know.

4. Good food. Yesterday it was a biscuit with strawberries and strawberry rhubarb jam along with a zucchini egg bake with caramelized onions. Last week I made raspberry bran muffins and chocolate chip oatmeal cookies with toasted walnuts. When Eric gets home from his run today, we are going out to lunch, and for dinner I’m making breakfast burritos using the last of the fresh eggs from Shaun. When you have such a long history with disordered eating, it’s a huge thing to feed yourself, to enjoy what you eat.

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. Things can be hard but as long as I have this, I’m okay.

Bonus joy: getting in the pool and the sauna, naps, listening to podcasts, watching good TV and movies, clean laundry, a warm shower, things turning green and blooming, bird song in the early morning, twinkle lights, that corner of the couch, making art with Janice, texting with Chloe’ and Carrie and Chelsey, sweet Kari spending those last days with her dad, the pictures she sent of him with his dog, all the dumb things that make Eric and I laugh, just sitting on the couch with him talking about everything and nothing, hugs, when Ringo comes in from outside and his head is warm and he smells like grass, writing with my Friday morning sangha, scheduling yoga classes for June, Jennae’s new puppy who looks like a brown version of Obi and is named Porkchop, talking with Frank, seeing Shelby, patchouli, daffodils and forsythia, sunshine, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.