1. Morning walks. The trees are starting to turn golden, the rabbitbrush and aster are in full bloom, and the mornings are much darker and cooler. There was some extra magic this week. The two mama deer and three babies we’ve been seeing are now FOUR babies, (not sure where the fourth had been hiding because it’s the same size as the other three). I had to be careful the morning we saw them because this particular herd of white-tailed deer are so used to people that one of the mamas was walking right up to me and I knew Ringo would not be okay with us saying good morning so we had to keep moving. We saw and heard owls — now that it’s darker in the morning, they are still out by the time we get close to the river. AND, we missed running in to a black bear by mere minutes. We stopped to take pictures and when we rounded the next corner, a very excited bike rider told us a black bear had JUST ran across the trail. Ringo had been tracking something for about half a mile, so I knew there was something but I’d almost forgotten it’s bear season in Fort Collins — the time of year when they come down to eat what’s left in people’s gardens or extra apples from their trees, trying to get as fat as possible before hibernation. We also saw a couple of raccoons and a few herons and lots of rabbits.

2. Libraries and librarians, poetry and poets, books and those that write them, songs and those who write and sing them. Just a few of my favorite things, the ones that on repeat make what seems impossible survivable. 

3. My brother. So many people have come together to help my mom, but no more than him. First because she and Dad were aging and couldn’t take care of some things on their own anymore, then because Dad was in hospice care and dying, then because Mom had a stroke, then because Dad died, and now because both Mom’s physical and mental capacity aren’t up to living on her own or being able to take care of herself. I’ve bragged for most of my adult life how lucky I am to have such an awesome brother, but in the past few years, he’s really outdone himself.

4. Practice. Continuing to keep me on the path, to keep me grounded and steady.

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. I’m staying right here for as long as I can.

Bonus joy: Warren wearing his new massive backpack for preschool, lunch at Mount Everest Café with Eric, emailing with Kari, sharing memes and reels with Kari and Carrie and Shellie, texting with Chris and Chloe’, other people’s dogs, payday, clean laundry, a warm shower, a big glass of cold clean water, gummies, pistachios, Palisade peaches, fresh corn, fans, down pillows and blankets, crayons and paint, the way the rabbitbrush smells, cooler weather, training with Shelby and the gang, the hydromassage chair, acupuncture, massage, clean sheets, prescription glasses, fry sauce, rotisserie chicken, lettuce, taco salad, listening to podcasts, watching TV, the internet, blank notebooks and ink refills, stickers, baby animals, good neighbors, naps, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.  

1. Morning walks. This week we saw multiple raccoons, deer, and herons — all these and a sprinkling of fall. The rabbitbrush and asters are blooming, and leaves are starting to turn golden and fall.

2. Good books. I just finished “Fairy Tale” by Stephen King. I used to read everything he wrote, along with my dad, but there were some “lean” years where it seemed like he was trying to meet a deadline, had lost interest or run out of ideas, and the stories just weren’t the same, so I stopped — we both did. I got this one from the library, maybe because I was missing Dad so wanted to revisit something we’d always shared, and it read more like his older works, was such a fun read. And one of the main characters is a dog who doesn’t die or experience any unnecessary suffering.

I kept catching myself thinking I should get Dad a copy for Christmas, and then remembering he’s gone. Not being able to share books with either of my parents anymore makes me so sad. I will be forever grateful to both of them for teaching me to read, encouraging me to read, allowing me to read, giving me access to books and libraries, for showing me how much they loved to read — because reading and books are some of the greatest joys of my life.

3. Good food, good medicine. This week was a bit weird for my body. I broke out in hives one day and was having intense heartburn every time I ate. I’m not exactly sure what was (is?) going on, but I feel a lot better after seeing my acupuncturist on Friday, getting treatment and some tips. Yesterday and today, no heartburn! I’m also reading “The Galveston Diet: The Doctor-Developed, Patient-Proven Plan to Burn Fat and Tame Your Hormonal Symptoms.” I’m considering doing an experiment and trying it for a month or two, seeing what happens. Anything restrictive (which this one is in terms of things like sugar and any kind of bread or baked good) is so tricky for me as someone with an eating disorder, someone skeptical of any new person or program or product the wellness community is trying to sell, but also — if it could make me feel better, it seems like I could at least try it?

4. Practice. I keep showing up and it keeps meeting me where I’m at.

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. I’m going to stay here, with them, for as long as I’m able.

Bonus joy: clean laundry, a warm shower, clean water, down pillows and blankets, clean sheets, hugs in the kitchen, cuddling on the couch, getting down on the floor to pet Ringo, the way he stomps his foot when you stop petting and he wants more, the way he still digs up the couch and parkours around the living room at almost 11 years old, how curious he is, how soft the grass in the backyard can get, the meadowlarks feeding on the sunflowers, the single Rocky Mountain bee plant that showed up in our garden, gummies, getting to pick a new sticker for the cover of a new blank notebook, photo magnets, breakfast burritos, Palisade peaches delivered to our door by a dear friend, knowing Chloe’ is so close by, texting with Chloe’ and Chris, picking books to send Jessamy for her birthday, knowing that Carrie totally understands when I “go dark,” being able to cry, getting in the pool, training with Shelby and the gang, rain, stained glass, cancelled plans, curly hair, naps, reading in bed at night while Ringo and Eric sleep.