1. I’m still here. I’m doing everything I can to stick with the discomfort, to process all the grief and confusion, to not give up. It can get a little messy at times, but I’d rather be here than not.
2. Morning walks. I guess we just aren’t going to have a mosquito season this year, because I’m still able to walk by the river and around the ponds without getting eaten. The mornings are getting cooler and darker, and things are definitely moving towards fall, even though most days are over 90. One morning, getting ready to walk Ringo, I grabbed two cookies. Cookies are what my dogs get as a treat for putting on their collar, harness, and leash. On the walk, I use smaller treats, so cookies are only for gearing up. I grabbed two cookies, out of habit, and only then did it hit me I only have one dog. On one walk, Ringo found a dead snake. This week we kept running into one of the heron that fish along the river. One time, it had just caught a fish.
3. Our garden. This week, I made roasted tomato salsa for Eric, and right now I’ve got a double batch of tomato jam simmering on the stove. We also ate one of our watermelon, are getting tons of cucumbers, and there’s a whole lot of broccoli and kale.
4. Good people. Lots of cards and messages about Angela’s passing, doing laps in the pool with Janice, writing and hanging out with Mikalina, kind and supportive comments on things I post, texting with Chloe’ and my mom and brother, the DNC speeches, everyone committed to doing better, all the people working so hard and putting themselves at risk so that we have food, clean water, electricity, education, healthcare, ect. — a special shout out to the firefighters, and grocery store workers, and the workers who go out in the heat and the smoke to harvest crops, and those working in hospitals with COVID-19 patients, and the parents working while simultaneously trying to help their kids with whatever version of school they are currently attempting.
5. My tiny family. Ringo continues to do better and seems like he’s starting to get more used to Sam being gone, to being the only dog. I suspect he shouldn’t like it too much or get too comfortable because even though I am so NOT ready for another just yet, it feels weird to have only one dog. The 15 minutes of rain we got the other day just so happened to coincide with Eric grilling Beyond Burgers, but he didn’t let that stop him.
Bonus joy: the way the house smells when I’m cooking something good, when the wind shifts and the air is clear enough in the morning to run the whole house fan, peaches, black walnut ice cream, getting all the laundry done, grocery pick-up, good podcasts, good books, good TV, good music, the time to practice, Eric working from home (I would have thought I’d be tired of it by now, but I like having him here), birds in the birdbath, goldfinches perched on a sunflower stem singing, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.
1. Tomato season! There really is nothing like a fresh tomato right from the garden. This time of year, we eat lots of tomato gratin (garlic, onion, basil, olive oil and topped with garlic croutons, inspired by Jacques Pepin and Julia Child), which goes really well with toast smeared with fresh pesto made with basil from our garden. I also accepted a substitution for my order of Gardenburgers from the grocery store this week and tried some Boca Burgers, that were even better with tomatoes from the garden. I liked them for a quick lunch, but as an actual meat substitute, I still prefer Beyond Burger, which makes sense because I don’t really even consider Gardenburgers a meat burger substitute, as they seem to be in a category all on their own. We are also getting lots of cucumbers and kale from the garden.
And speaking of the garden…
2. There were BIRDS in the birdbath this morning!!! For the past two and a half months, we’ve seen nothing but yellow jackets drinking from it. This morning, I was meditating with the window that faces the front garden open. Normally if that window is open in the morning, the whole house fan is running, but there’s a wildfire burning up the Poudre Canyon so the fan pulls too much smoke into the house. That meant it was quieter than usual and I could hear the birds rustling around and singing. Then I heard a bit of commotion, and after Eric told me yesterday he’d seen a mouse in the garden when he was watering, I wanted to see what was up, so I went and got my glasses and looked out the window. A tiny flock of finches were flying around, diving into the fountain, getting drinks and bathing. A few meadowlarks got in on the pool party too. There was one finch that sat right on the solar powered fountain, used it like a pool floaty. I quietly went and got Eric and we watched for about five minutes. It seriously made me SO happy. (I couldn’t get a picture because they are so skittish).
3. Morning walks. This week we were back to me walking sometimes by myself with Ringo, since Eric is officially back on contract next week (not that he really ever stopped working this summer). The mosquito population never really grew this summer, so we can still sneak by the river for a bit. We saw a heron that Ringo really really really wanted to get (not sure why they make him so mad). We also saw a hummingbird dive bombing some flowers.
5. Practice. I’m so glad, so lucky to have something(s) to do that sustains me, allows me to practice being open to what is and strong enough to stay with whatever arises. It’s as clear as it’s ever been that impermanence and change don’t wait for us to be ready, for it to be convenient or comfortable to step into the chaos of life. The opportunity to practice is always there, if you are willing. “A shadow grows when we try to use spirituality to protect us from the difficulties and conflicts of life. Spiritual practice will not save us from suffering and confusion, it only allows us to understand that avoidance of pain does not help. Only by honoring our true situation can our practice show us a way through.” ~Jack Kornfield
6. My tiny family. Eric is going in to his office twice a week now, and you’d think that would be a relief after five months of being together ALL THE TIME, but I miss him when he’s gone! It does mean more kitchen counter love notes though. Ringo is still feeling better (yay!). He goes in to get his teeth cleaned on Monday, and hopefully that goes easy and he won’t need to see his vet again for a long long time, (although that would make her sad because she really loves him).
Bonus joy: going to the infrared sauna with Eric, yard time, watching murder shows with Eric, good food (roasted sweet potatoes and black walnut ice cream and fresh peaches in particular), getting all the laundry done and put away, some new masks, an insulated water bottle that keeps the contents cold even when it’s 150 degrees (in the sauna), hanging out and writing with Mikalina, having a very serious discussion about cereal with Chloe’, walking laps in the pool with Janice, texting with my mom and brother, “singing” with Ringo, having a lie down in a dark room, black eyed susans, only having one car payment instead of two, how our compost pile doubles as a squirrel all-you-can-eat buffet (because nothing is funnier than seeing a squirrel walking along the top of your fence with a giant corncob in its mouth), blooper reels, cute dog videos, DYANR podcast, good books (I’m reading 1Q84, a dystopian novel written by Japanese writer Haruki Murakami, and it’s really good — I’m super into TV shows about murder and science fiction/fantasy, dystopian fiction right now), good TV, good music, taking a shower and then a nap with the little fan running, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.
Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray) 