Category Archives: Bravery

Cultivating Courage and Daring Greatly

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Brave BellyRecently, I have been feeling a real need to be brave. My life has been presenting all kinds of opportunities to show up with an open heart, even though I am terrified. There are two things coming up I am certain will be of great help to me in this practice: Andrea Scher’s Cultivating Courage ecourse and Brene’ Brown’s Daring Greatly book and read-along.

Brene’ Brown’s book Gifts of Imperfection was a critical resource when I started the Life Rehab this blog chronicles. It made me see I had been in a long term abusive relationship–with myself–and helped me to understand the way out of it. I’ve had the opportunity to hear her talk multiple times about her work and research, her life and experience, and her new book is going to be brilliant, (my copy is in transit, on its way to me as I write this, and I can’t wait).

P.S. Look at what showed up just a few hours later!

By showing up, opening her heart, sharing the truth (part research, part personal experience) about shame and vulnerability, daring greatly, and living a wholehearted life, Brene’ Brown is helping so many to discover the value of being brave, in being exactly who we are, in living a wholehearted life. This is the trailer for the book:

And what better to match the Daring Greatly read-along than a Cultivating Courage class with Andrea Scher?! Everything Andrea does is magic. I have taken three classes with her, and every one expands my sense of possibility and purpose. She is electric, pure love energy, vibrant and wise and playful. Just thinking about this latest offering, I feel braver already.

Andrea asked for courage stories from her readers to use in this class. I sent her one, and want to share it with you, kind and gentle reader. Maybe you need a little dose of courage too? Maybe I’ll see you in class?

Our first dog Obi, a Rottweiler/German Shepherd/Husky mix my husband and I rescued at eleven weeks old, was diagnosed with lymphoma, a treatable but incurable canine cancer, right after he turned seven years old. Just after his birthday but before the horrible phone call confirming his cancer, I told my friend, “I don’t know what it is about seven, but I feel like if something happens to him now, I don’t have the right to say it’s not fair. He’s had a really good life.” A few days later, when I told her about his cancer, she whispered, “Do you remember what you said? Do you think you knew?”

I didn’t, couldn’t have guessed it. Other than a tiny lump in his chest the size of a pea, he was completely healthy, vibrant and fully alive. We didn’t know the lump was a swollen lymph node, weren’t even worried enough to make a special appointment to have it checked, simply waited and asked during his next visit. Our vet insisted on doing a needle biopsy right away. The resulting diagnosis was a complete shock, the worst kind of surprise.

Courage can mean either doing something that frightens you, or having strength in the face of pain or grief. Caring for a terminally ill loved one requires the full measure of courage, the entire weight of its meaning. There is no place to hide when the quality of a being’s life is your responsibility, when they are sick and cannot help themselves, when you love them with your whole heart. Because Obi couldn’t tell me what he wanted, it was up to me to intuit what he needed, and to judge when his suffering got to be too much. I had to be present with his pain, and love him enough to let him go. When the time came to make that decision, I made the phone call, provided a loving and safe space, and stayed with Obi as he took his last breath, with my heart open, broken and raw, loving him and letting him go—courageous.

Loving any dog takes courage. In all likelihood, you will outlive them. It might even be your responsibility to make an end of life decision for them. No matter how it happens or when, you won’t be ready, it won’t be okay–and knowing that, you open your heart, invite them into your life anyway. To love a dog, to love anything mortal, knowing you will eventually be separated, that you will ultimately lose them, is the purest form of courage I know. The magic, the medicine is that every time my heart breaks, it expands, gets stronger, and my capacity to love grows with it. Because of my grief, my loss, I have the heart of a warrior, open to both the tenderness and the terror of life.

sweet obi

Wishcasting Wednesday

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from Jamie’s post

How do you wish to grow?

I’m sorry if I sound like a broken record, but it seems like every Wednesday Jamie asks a different wishcasting question, but my answer is always some version of the same thing…

I wish to grow:

Equanimity. Mental calmness, emotional stability, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation or under stress; a calm, positive emotional balance in the face of both good fortune and bad. Having an equally open attitude to all sentient beings, free of attachment, anger, and apathy. I can be judgmental, critical, and unforgiving. For example, today there was an older, stinky, potentially homeless man working out at my gym, and my animal self was getting so irritated with him, with the situation. My higher self whispered that I shouldn’t judge, knew nothing about his circumstances, and that it really wasn’t that much of a hardship for me to accept his presence, that maybe I was irritating him. I wish to respond with my higher self, to practice equanimity, forgiveness, non-judgment, to grow my heart.

Health. I wish to manifest health through rest and exercise and good food in appropriate amounts, but also through sanity, self-love and self-care. I want people to feel the energy of wellness radiating from me, to feel healthier themselves just by being near me.

Creative arts practice. This wish includes a wide range of art: music, painting, photography, lettering, acting, collaging, quilting, sewing. I wish to learn to play the ukulele, take singing lessons, be in a play, create paintings, make art using collage and lettering, start a tshirt shop, create and perform.

Spiritual practice. I wish to deepen my meditation and yoga practices, with the intention of one day training to instruct and teach, to share those important practices with others who might benefit as I have. To continue to go further with my writing, showing up honest, open and raw, and communicating the truth, using right speech. And dog, to continue to learn how to be a better companion, a more effective caretaker.

Confidence and bravery. To grow my confidence, in part in the way that Susan Piver suggests: “Confidence is the willingness to be as ridiculous, luminous, intelligent, and kind as you really are, without embarrassment.” And also, knowing my own power, being certain of my basic goodness, my “enoughness,” and thus being brave and willing to face reality, just as it is, and to work with it.

Financial stability. This is solid now, but from that base, I’d like to continue to grow, to streamline and clarify my practices, spending and saving, to have a clear sense of the full situation, of my debt, insurance, retirement, to simplify but also invite abundance and joy.

Web design skills. This is another practical area I’d like to grow, my skills as a designer and coder, my ability to design graphics and construct layouts and code structures. There’s a lot this would enable me to do, it would foster an independence, a freedom that I long for.

Home making. I wish to continue to refine and rehabilitate the space and structure where I live, declutter and clean it, repair it, landscape and beautify. Last week’s wishcasting was all about this process, this growth.

Love. There can never be enough, and it is the answer to every question, so I wish to grow this until it fills the whole universe.