Author Archives: jillsalahub

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About jillsalahub

Writer & Contemplative Practice Guide holding space for people cultivating a foundation of a stable mind, embodied compassion and wisdom. CYT 500

In a dream

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Five years ago today, I posted this on Facebook. This morning, as I’m working on a couple of class plans for yoga teacher training and thinking about what I’m teaching for my Tuesday morning class and contemplating what it’s going to be like when I don’t have to work at CSU anymore, it felt worth reposting.

Woke up at 4:30 am like normal, but decided to go back to sleep, and you know how you have the weirdest dreams when you do that? I had one that I was teaching at Chemeketa Community College, a class about “Finding Your Purpose,” and I showed up for week three completely unprepared. We were in the Student Center, and it was busy and noisy — a spin class, the food court, all kinds of other classes and study groups and students just hanging out — and there was no privacy. I also realized that rather than a 10 week progressive course with the same group of students, the class was actually a drop in, which meant I should be doing what I did the first week over again, but I didn’t have those notes. I asked my students to put their chairs in a circle to provide a container of sorts, but I had to go find my own chair. All of the furniture was old and broken down, no good, so the chair I had to settle for was awful.

When I got back to the group, I was honest, told them I was struggling with the distraction, my own lack of preparation, was irritated and fumbling, but that I was doing my best and would keep going, was showing up, fully present. Then it came to me that it was the perfect teaching moment, and told them that it was just like that with finding your purpose — it isn’t just about figuring out what you want, but dealing with the obstacles that exist, that you can’t control all the elements, there’s the environment, culture, other people, economic realities, potential health issues or physical limitations, and that you have to learn to work with them. I ended up rocking what was a messed up situation.

Take that subconscious — clearly if you want to give me an anxiety dream, teaching can no longer be your subject matter. Time to go back to the old standards of not being able to find a clean or private public bathroom when I need to poop, or the one where I’m out jogging and cars are honking at me and I look down and realize I’m completely naked and miles from home.

Gratitude Friday (NaBloPoMo Day 30)

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1. Morning sky. Today is dreary and gray, so I’m appreciating the mornings that haven’t been even more.

2. Christmas decorations on the Poudre Trail. The people who decorate these three trees every year do so on Thanksgiving day, so the morning after on our walk, we went to check it out. It was still dark, so the pictures aren’t great.

3. I got a post placed, step two for my eventual tooth implant. It isn’t a fun process, but the people at my dentist office are super kind and careful and professional and it helps so much. When I first sat down, I asked to keep my coat to cover my legs because I always get so cold in there, and the assistant said, “oh no, honey, I’m getting you a blanket.” It was thick and red and soft and big and it made everything else easier. Two days later, I still feel pretty poopy, loopy, and tired, but also super lucky to have paid sick days and dogs who will cuddle with me and a husband who takes such good care of me.

4. My three boys. Ringo found a baby doll on one of our walks this week and carried her all the way home. Our front porch sometimes looks like the Island of Misfit Toys from all his finds. Sam is doing really well, up to walking 3.6 miles in the mornings, and he’s the best dog when you don’t feel good because he is perfectly happy to curl up beside you and nap for hours and hours. And Eric just wants me to feel better, does whatever I need to help make that happen.

Bonus joy: good books (almost finished with Children of Blood and Bone), good TV (Catfish is back), and good films (I know there was a some criticism about it, but Crazy Rich Asians was just what I needed yesterday), fresh orange juice, three days with nothing on my schedule so I can rest and heal.