1. Morning walks. I adore watching the world wake back up this time of year, even as I miss the quiet of the dark, cold, and snow.

2. Mom. When I sent her flowers this year for Valentine’s day and then again on her birthday along with some gifts, I thought it would be the last time. Instead, yesterday I ordered a custom box of See’s candies and flowers for Mother’s day. And while she is doing well, the slow decline continues. She is sleeping more and this past week started showing signs of sundowning, getting more confused and a bit agitated as the day winds down, so they’ve started her on a new medication to help. 

This is a strange moment in life that happens to everyone and yet some of us are still surprised when it comes, as if it’s unexpected. The end of Dad’s life was the beginning of Mom’s slow decline, so in some ways it was like losing them both at the same time. I left home for good over 30 years ago, and this is a whole other layer — first I left home and now it is leaving me. And even though I don’t think I ever would have gone back even if something happened to Eric, because I’ve made my life here, I always knew I could. They never would have turned me away and I always had somewhere I could go. To have that gone, even though I don’t “need” it and don’t expect to, it is a strange and lonely feeling.

3. Therapy. Week two. I’m glad I went back. I’ve got a lot to process, work through, and learn. I’m so grateful to have a wise, compassionate guide to support me.

4. Good neighbors. The ones across the street (who live next door to the ones who support what is currently happening and have the flags to show it) just put up a new flag (the picture on the left) and it will go nicely with the new yard sign I ordered from Etsy (the one on the right). I get that some people view signs and flags and stickers as “performative” but if “they” are going to put up their flags, I can’t let it go without a response. More than anything, I want their kids to see that there is another way.

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. This is my home and I love it here.

Bonus joy: having my birdfeeder back and full of both seeds and birds, leaves on the maple tree outside my window, buds on my iris, onion rolls, chicken noodle soup, Chloe’ bringing me cough drops, payday, finishing the laundry, groceries, heat radiating from the dryer and oven, books from the library, libraries and librarians, poetry and poets, listening to podcasts, watching TV and movies, yoga at Red Sage, other people’s dogs and kids and gardens, texting with Chris, Pilates and Yoga, getting in the pool, sitting in the sauna, the hydromassage chair, pizza, yogurt with granola and fruit, tacos and burritos, PBS and NPR, trees, comedy, true crime, clean sheets, a mug of hot green tea, yard time, how green and soft the grass in the backyard is right now, massage, making art, stickers, glue stick and scissors, garbage pick up and the folks who do that work, the people who grow and harvest our produce, naps, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.