1. Morning walks. I only went on one this week. Eric is on a break from work and I was staying up too late which meant sleeping in an hour or two most days, so Eric and Ringo would go without me. Plus we got nine inches of snow over the past few days and when it gets that cold, they usually run instead of walk so they can stay warmer. The one time I went with, I didn’t take many pictures because it was cold so I didn’t want to slow things down.

2. Sightings. I wondered when Dad was gone how exactly he’d visit me. I told him to come back and haunt me, but I haven’t had a single visit, dreaming or awake, although one morning, I was half asleep and thought I heard him calling for me. In the middle of the night, that final week, he’d call my name and ask, “Are you awake?”

With Kelly, it’s ladybugs, and with Sam, swallowtail butterflies. In the days before Dad died, I saw a hawk floating in the sky over a cluster of pine trees and I thought something like that would make sense, representative of his love of nature and animals, something we shared.

In the days after he died, I saw heron, deer, and even a moose. It’s never the same form but always covered in fur or feathers. I don’t even necessarily believe it’s literally him, but it makes him feel close by, not so gone and me not so sad.

3. Thanksgiving meals, past and present. Some years, it’s been lots of people and tons of food. This year Eric and I ate comfort food instead of a traditional turkey dinner. It was just as yummy and there were plenty of leftovers. We ate earlier in the day and took long naps and that night we turned on the twinkle lights while it snowed. (The apple pie pictured is technically from my birthday, but it was yummy and deserved to be included).

4. A better outlook. Y’all, I’ve been struggling. This whole year has been rough, but recently more so. The week between my birthday and Thanksgiving, I was sad and stuck and kept getting bad news and couldn’t see my way out of it. When I woke up this morning, something had finally shifted, just a little bit, and I’m so grateful for that.  

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. There’s no place I’d rather be, no beings I’d rather be with, even when I’m feeling stuck and sad.

Bonus joy: Mark Nepo’s The Book of Awakening, my new tarot deck, good TV and movies, clean sheets, my weighted blanket, clean laundry, toast, birds in the feeder (we get more traffic when it snows), crisp lettuce, a banana that’s not quite ripe, listening to podcasts, funny smart women like Leslie Jones, making art, watching other people make art, watching other people clean or restore furniture or clean up landscaping or do a remodeling project (the before and after is just SO satisfying and I don’t even have to do any of the work!), kitchen counter love notes, meditating, stretching, a warm shower, a big glass of cold clean water, music, flowers even in winter, all my houseplants, the opportunity to rest, the chance to start over, twinkle lights, snow tires, our neighbors four dogs (and another’s two and another’s one), Dr. Gaffney and Mulnix animal clinic, texting with Mom and Chris and Chloe’, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.