Life Rehab Resource: Practice

liferehabresourcesDisclaimer: I could write a whole book (and am) about practice, so to imply I’m going to be able to say everything there is to say, or even only the very most important things there are to share about practice in a single blog post is just silly. And yet, this is the life rehab resource that wants to be shared today.

I started thinking about it when I was writing my morning pages. This is a practice I first learned by way of Julia Cameron, who describes it this way,

Morning pages are three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing, done first thing in the morning. *There is no wrong way to do Morning Pages* – they are not high art. They are not even “writing.” They are about anything and everything that crosses your mind – and they are for your eyes only. Morning Pages provoke, clarify, comfort, cajole, prioritize and synchronize the day at hand. Do not over-think Morning Pages: just put three pages of anything on the page…and then do three more pages tomorrow.

She even made a video about the practice.

As I was writing my morning pages today, I was thinking about how they are a life rehab resource I’ve been able to maintain no matter what else is going on in my life. There are lots of other things on my to-do and to-be lists right now that I’d love to be doing but had to give up, temporarily. For example there are stacks of books I want to read, a list of movies I’d like to watch, Nia and yoga classes I’d like to attend, letters I want to send, courses I’d like to design, two books and various essays I want to write, but for now there just isn’t time. But morning pages, those get done every day no matter what. For me, they are like warming up before exercising. It’s the thing I need to do to be ready to write the stuff I plan to share.

Just as Julia describes it, much of what I write as part of my morning pages is garbage — whining and complaining, rants, confessions, anxiety, speculation, disillusion and confusion, lists, “and then he said” nonsense. A record of confusion. It gets it all out of the way, clears a path, makes space for the truth, what needs to be said, wants to be shared — the lotus that pushes its way out of the muck.

morningpages

there is a tattoo of a lotus on the inside of my right wrist to remind me of exactly this

In writing out all the crap I can see how silly it is, how ridiculous I am. It’s the same when you watch your thoughts and emotions arise in meditation, where the instruction is to observe them arise and let them go without getting attached. I realize through sitting practice how much of my life is spent in reaction to my thoughts and emotions, getting triggered and hooked. Someone says something, judgement kicks in, and off I go. A thought arises and I run after it, trying to catch and hold it, turn it into something solid.

A fundamental quality of all practice is the cultivation of observation without attachment. Practice helps me to see the ways I habitually react, sometimes allowing me to interrupt myself and rest in the gap between thoughts/emotions and action. Through practice I contemplate how my habitual patterns and discursive thinking are no longer serving me. In this way, practice helps me to ease suffering. Over time I start to realize how blindly driven I’ve been by my thoughts and emotions, see how empty they actually are, and start to relax, consider other options, access a deeper wisdom and compassion, and employ more skillful means.

For example, on the yoga mat, I observe how in a pose I might criticize myself for not doing it “right.” Maybe I compare myself to the person on the mat next to me who seems to be doing it “better,” or I judge myself against a “perfect expression” of the pose. The thought arises that I’m doing it wrong and I begin to criticize myself. Shame quickly follows and soon I am smashing myself to bits, not really practicing yoga at all. In a final act of aggression, I force my body further into the pose, causing discomfort or pain, possibly even injuring myself.

sundaymorningyogaThe longer I practice, the more I am able to interrupt this pattern. I notice the thought or emotion arise. I pause and am curious about it instead of immediately acting on it. I consider what might be triggering it, notice how it feels in my body, all while trying my best to not start telling myself a story about it. Staying with this, I might understand that my body is unique (in the case of the yoga pose “gone wrong”), and at this particular time this is what is. Maybe my quads are especially tender after lifting weights or doing a lot of walking earlier in the week, or maybe I didn’t get enough sleep the night before and I have less energy. I recognize that the compassionate thing to do in this moment is a slight modification of the pose to maintain alignment and accommodate my body’s current state. My self talk shifts to love for my body, appreciation that I showed up to practice, gratitude that I’m paying attention and working with my body in this way, listening and trusting, being gentle.

Suddenly there is space, ease where before there was struggle. As in yoga, it’s best when writing morning pages — with all practice, actually — to not force or attempt to control, but rather show up with an open heart, be curious about what is, and in this way sink into and allow the truth of the moment.

12 thoughts on “Life Rehab Resource: Practice

      1. Frances D

        Just had a morning pages session around 6 am when I woke up. I fell back asleep so have an excuse for a second mind clearing session. I had a complicated dream during my second round of slumber that I need to look into.

  1. Alane

    thank you for this post. very inspirational! i’ve let the morning pages practice slack, so this is the spark i need! xo

    Reply
  2. Kathleen

    “access a deeper wisdom and compassion, and employ more skillful means” – Yes, that’s who I want to be. I haven’t been able to sustain any practice for any length of time. Fits and starts, even when I love it & feel great it slips away. Exercise, meditation, writing… Why do I rail against any sort of discipline in favor of the snooze? sigh

    Reply
    1. jillsalahub Post author

      You know maybe you just haven’t found the thing that works for you yet, or maybe you are already practicing but don’t realize it — for example, it was years of doing it before I realized dog was actually one of my practices.

      Reply
  3. tsacks1031

    I think that being inquisitive is such a part of practice (whatever you may be practicing). I love the idea behind morning pages and what seems to be a “no pressure” theme…it sounds like it’s a great way to take out the garbage or find inspiration or peace..or a variety of other things,maybe it changes daily or page by page….just showing up to the table is part of that practice too. Totally dig this and am curious what has shifted for you since you’ve been doing this particular practice, Jill?

    What I also love about the word practice is that it is ongoing, part of the journey as opposed to arrival at a destination. 🙂

    Reply
    1. jillsalahub Post author

      What has changed is that at first the “work” was to just show up, to get there and do it, day after day. There really was no concern for what I wrote. If I wrote three pages of nothing but “I don’t know what to write,” it counted, that was success. The point was to show up and do it, every day. After the struggle of just doing that started to ease, I began to notice what I was writing about, themes that kept showing up, patterns being repeated. It revealed where I was using up a lot of my energy, where I placed my focus and effort. This stage made it clear some of the things I really needed to start working with, reconsidering, shifting. I started to ask “is this working for me?” and “did this ever work?” and then “what would I like to do instead?” and “how can I transform this?” After that, I found myself getting bored with always saying the same old thing, and a little space opened up for something else. This is when I really started WRITING. This is more where I am now. I start out with a “blah, blah, blah, whine, bitch, moan” and a record of facts I want to remember (I date my entries and highlight it so I can go back to find what I need if I write about it later). After that start, oftentimes I now spend the rest of the time writing what ends up as a blog post, or is an idea for an essay submission or something someone asked me to write, or even part of the book I’m working on. The practice has definitely matured for me. And if it matters, I’ve been consistently doing morning pages for about 3-4 years, and intermittently did them for the 5-10 years before that.

      Reply

I'd love to hear what you think, kind and gentle reader.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s