For today’s wishcast, Jamie asks, “What risk do you wish to take?” I am immediately reminded of one of my favorite quotes, from Muriel Rukeyser,
What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open.
I wish to risk telling the truth. Telling my story even though it’s often embarrassing and messy and hard, leaning in and letting go, loving myself, being my own best friend, “willing to be stone stupid,” showing up not knowing and unprepared, keeping my heart open, raw and tender, being vulnerable, willing to be wounded.
The truth today is that I am taking another sick day, and as soon as I finish this I will lie down and maybe stay like that the rest of the day, still tired and achy, tender and sad, feeling like I am right at my edge but finally willing to stop, be still, take care of myself, no matter what anyone else might think about that, even as I am working with feeling guilty, a sharp shame surrounding my suffering, my need to rest, that even though it’s my 20th wedding anniversary today a part of me still wonders “does he love me?” and needs to be reassured.
Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray) 
You are loved dear Jill! He still loves you and you are greatly loved by many. oxo
♥
Jilly…you give so much. You are so attentive, so generous, so loving to so many of us. You blow me away with the pure gift of your presence. I know you don’t feel well, but enjoy the gift of rest little Cookie. And feel better soon. xxx
Again, I find myself wanting to put my head in your lap, to curl up next to you like a puppy. xo
My students and I have been talking about integrity this month (it’s our “core value”) and how difficult it can be to be authentic…truly themselves, and how protecting themselves is the most important thing in their lives. Being honest about who we are, what we want, what we fear…is a terrible risk.
I am so grateful for your willingness to be open and honest and share your journey with the rest of us.
As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you too!
Thank you, Jen!
feel better jill! happy 20th; today is my 21st! no one thought it would last & all these later we are still going strong. everyone has stories that are messy, you name it. you are not alone in this. some people say i should write a book; i say it’s just my life– plain & simple. 🙂 everyday is a new chapter & may it be the same for you! xo xo
Happy Anniversary, Alane!