26 | August | 2012 | Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray)

I couldn’t do four hours of book writing this weekend. I am too tender, too raw, too tired, too scared. That doesn’t mean writing didn’t happen this week, writing that most likely will end up in the book I’m writing. It does mean that I needed to relax, take it easy, be gentle with myself. Here’s one thing I wrote this week that feels “bookish.”

I get off the futon and see a love note written to me by my husband. They are scattered all through the house–“you are my favorite,” “have a great day,” “I love you. P.S. Turn off the sprinkler.”–along with two he wrote after walking Dexter, his first two walks after “the bloody scare,” about how well he did, how he was fine, “perfect, no problem.” I want to stitch them to my sleeves like prayer flags or feathers of wings without flight, like messages for those people who find me wandering lost, who will
need to read them to find out where my heart lives and help get me back home.

If you aren’t already bored with me and my problems, you know I have been working this week with maintaining my sanity, staying present, and keeping my heart open in the face of uncertainty, contemplating the notion of impermanence. As I practice, I find that it’s important to keep things simple. I’m experiencing intense emotions and discursive, obsessive thoughts, and the more I can maintain a clear focus, the more workable my situation.

Susan Piver posted a new blog entry and video this past week 5 steps to establish genuine confidence. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard her talk about it, but it was quite timely and so helpful. Basically, “The underlying theme is to simplify, slow down, pay attention to details, and have faith–not as an act of wishful thinking, but because as you take these steps you see that your life is actually unfolding with a sense of order.” I’m sharing this today because I think you, kindest and gentlest of reader, might also find something useful in this teaching.