I completed Safe Zone training at CSU this week. I stayed after and talked with the Assistant Director about offering some of my Crazy Wisdom classes, either to their staff or some of their student groups. As I already mentioned the other day, I’m finishing up 37 Days of Activism, and just started Hard Conversations: An Introduction to Racism and Healing from Toxic Whiteness, all really great online courses.

I’m reading Big Girl: How I Gave Up Dieting and Got a Life by Kelsey Miller, just got done with The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl by Issa Rae and You Can’t Touch My Hair: And Other Things I Still Have to Explain by Phoebe Robinson. Next will be something by Roxane Gay, either Bad Feminist or Difficult Women. She’s going to be reading in Denver in February and I’m hoping to go.

Tomorrow I’m teaching a yoga class. Our theme will be showing up as you are and being with whatever might arise, keeping your heart open, confidence in the way that Susan Piver describes it, “the willingness to be as ridiculous, luminous, intelligent, and kind as you really are, without embarrassment.” We’ll be opening our hearts, reaching and stretching, finding strength in our legs and balance in our foundation. Later, I’m going to see Moonlight at our local indie theater, the Lyric Cinema. On Monday, I’m going to the MLK march and celebration.

I started a group called the Hen House Collective. My intention was not to start a “movement” or a “revolution,” but to figure out how to help with what’s already being done, to have some company during this process, to help me filter through all the information and figure out what actions to take. There are going to end up being about 10-15 of us, and we’ll have our first official meeting the first Sunday of February. I suggested some prompts to consider before we meet:

• What issues do I care about most?
• What local issues or groups do I want to most help?
• What special skills or knowledge can I offer?
• What do I want to know more about?
• What sort of action am I most comfortable with?

The invitation letter I sent went like this: (with special thanks to my dear friend and teacher, Laurie Wagner for the inspiration)

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Farm Country
By Mary Oliver

I have sharpened my knives, I have
Put on the heavy apron.

Maybe you think life is chicken soup, served
In blue willow-pattern bowls.

I have put on my boots and opened
The kitchen door and stepped out

Into the sunshine. I have crossed the lawn.
I have entered

The hen house.

My friend and teacher Laurie Wagner shared this Mary Oliver poem recently on her blog. In her post, Laurie said “I’ve never been political. The truth is, I’ve been sleep walking in a field of privilege my entire life. I’ve been in the comfortable bubble.”

Like Laurie, I’ve never been particularly political. I’m fundamentally a peacemaker and as such have always had trouble “choosing sides.” As an introvert and a highly sensitive person I’m also uncomfortable with confrontation and chaos. I used to joke that if two opposing groups where having a debate, I’d make everyone sandwiches or hand out cookies rather than holding a sign or taking a stand. The truth is my privilege has meant getting involved was always a choice – I could decide to show up or I could stay out of it altogether.

This is no longer the case. As Laurie said,

I also never understood how one person could make a difference. There are so many issues, where do I start? Where will my money and my time be most effective? It’s dizzying for me.

But today, with Trump and his cronies at the helm, I realize that it’s not so much the difference that I might make that matters, or whether I know the right words to get into the conversation, but instead it’s the way I want to live and show up in the world that matters more. I’ve never felt a call to action until now, and I’m not entirely sure what my contribution will look like, but Donald Trump – if he’s done anything – has woken me up, and from the looks of it, has woken you up too. This is his gift. This is the doorway, the invitation and I’m grateful in my life time to get a chance to walk through it.

I feel called, as Laurie does, to take a different approach. To be uncomfortable. To take action, without reactivity or aggression. To read more, to listen more, to educate myself. To contribute – my time, my effort, my attention, my voice, my money. To find out more about my local issues, figure out how and who I can help. To do what Theodore Roosevelt said and, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”

I’m wondering if you’d like to do this with me? Keep me company, do this in community? Here’s what I’m thinking:

• Meet once a month
• Be a combination reading, writing, and action group
• Share what we know (links to articles, people to pay attention to, upcoming events, movies or TV shows to watch, etc.). There’s so much information to sift through right now, so many possible actions that I would love the help of some people willing to share the effort
• Share what we are working on
• Share what we are struggling with, confused about
• Collectively do good work, local or otherwise
• Do some creative work together
• Use social media as a tool to support our effort
• Support each other as we individually and collectively work through the best way to navigate this shift, to engage with whatever might arise, and to do so without becoming overwhelmed or burnt out

Anyone want to join me in the hen house?

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In some ways, I know that no matter what I do it will never be enough. I also know that no matter what I do, there will still be suffering. I’m also realizing how important it is to take care of myself, to not get overwhelmed or burn out, to not loose my sense of humor. And I am so so grateful that as I do what I do, I have good company and help — that includes you, kind and gentle reader. ❤

The other day, I wrote a little bit about what was true for me right now. I talked about a quote I’d heard somewhere, “do what you can where you are,” but at that time I didn’t do any research to find out its origins. Turns out it was Theodore Roosevelt, and the full quote is, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”

That’s what I’m doing. I’m reading a lot online, posts from people who have been living with this shock, this grief for most of their lived experience, who knew that there was the lingering strong presence of this kind of misogyny, racism, bigotry, fascism, etc., and have been saying all along that this was going on, but I was an asshole living in a bubble and didn’t listen. I realize that now, and I’m going to do better. When I’m reading, usually if something makes me uncomfortable, touches a nerve, I know to lean in because that’s where the real work is for me.

I’m trying to educate myself. Besides reading as much as I can on the internet, I just ordered a copy of A People’s History of the United States by Howard Zinn (one for Eric too so we can read it together) and put The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan on my Kindle. I’ve got lots of other relevant and more current books on my Kindle, and some great reading lists to consult when I’m ready for more. I’m also going to sign up for Patti Digh’s next session of Hard Conversations: An Introduction to Racism. Any recommendations you have for websites, articles, movies, courses, people to follow, places to volunteer or donate, kind and gentle reader, please let me know.

I spent this morning donating. I gave to Planned Parenthood, because no matter what my own personal choices are, I want all women to be able to choose whether or not they have children, to be able to plan their families, to have access to safe and legal abortions, to have a place to receive crucial health screenings and sex education. Planned Parenthood is not just a place to get an abortion; they do so much more.

I also gave to the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe DAPL Donation Fund, because it’s not right what’s happening there. It’s against treaties we signed, promises that were made. It was moved there because another white community didn’t want it, and yet it’s being forced on this native community. Also, the environmental concerns are valid and the greed that’s driving this is sickening. How this is being handled, the force being used against a peaceful and valid protest, is unconscionable.

Then I gave to the Southern Poverty Law Center, because they are “dedicated to fighting hate and bigotry and to seeking justice for the most vulnerable members of our society. Using litigation, education, and other forms of advocacy, the SPLC works toward the day when the ideals of equal justice and equal opportunity will be a reality,” and I want to help them do that.

I gave to the Prison Mindfulness Institute, because someone I love very much is in prison right now, and after watching the documentary 13th, I’m even more committed to pushing for reform of that system. I believe that meditation is a powerful path to transformation, and the Prison Mindfulness Institute is committed to “transforming individual lives as well as transforming the corrections system as a whole in order to mitigate its extremely destructive impact on families, communities and the overall social capital of our society.”

Then I went to the grocery store, where people working with the Food Bank of Larimer County were handing out lists of the most needed food donations. While I was buying my own groceries, I bought the items on the list, and not only that, I bought the good stuff — albacore all white wild caught tuna and all natural peanut butter, for example. I was already donating money to their Thanksgiving drive, but they made it so easy for me to do this extra bit. No one should go hungry, and if I am ever in similar need I hope someone will step in and feed me too, without judging how I ended up in that situation.

Later today, I’m going to my first rally. As an introvert and highly sensitive person, I typically avoid large crowds. Even if they are celebrating and everyone is happy, it makes me panicky, so many people and so much noise. But I’m going to try anyway. Today is the Fort Collins Peace and Solidarity Rally, promised to be a peaceful event, because, “Countless Muslims, Immigrants, LGBTQ individuals, People of all Ethnicities, Veterans, Individuals with Disabilities, and Women have had their very livelihoods threatened. We are coming together to show our support that you are not alone in our community and we value you as equals, as Americans. We see you, we hear you, we love you and we stand with you.” Tomorrow, I’m going to try and go to another, the Fort Collins Standing Rock Rally & Prayer Gathering. “Please come and gather not as protesters but as supporters of the Standing Rock Water Protectors, Sacred Waters and our Earth Mother. This is a prayerful and peaceful gathering.”

Tomorrow, I’m also going to sneak into the building I work in and love bomb it. It’s been a few years since I’ve done it, because we had to move out while it got remodeled. I put up tearable flyers in the employee mail room, bathrooms, and over the water fountains. They get taken down pretty quickly by facilities when they clean, but sometimes they look the other way for a few days before taking them down. This will be the third time I’ve love bombed Eddy Hall, and only a few people know it is me, (besides all of you).

I’m also doing my best to take care of myself, because if I’m strong and healthy and well-fed and well-rested and practiced, I can do more. To help me do so, I’m continuing to follow Susan Piver’s model, 5 steps to establish genuine confidence, which seem on the surface so simple, almost cheesy, but when you put them into practice, they are so powerful. I’m also all in on Susan’s idea for a third party, which she describes here, I want a viable third party and I want it today. I’m practicing “like my hair is on fire,” being gentle and kind, and as always, doing what I can, with what I have, where I am. May you do the same, kind and gentle reader.