Three Truths and One Wish

1. Truth: You can’t do everything. Knowing this, there are decisions to be made. At first, this was easy for me. I had accumulated a lot of unnecessary clutter, and a few too many toxic people. In those first innocent days of simplifying, it was really clear what to stop doing, what to get rid of, who to avoid. Getting rid of all the should, have to, obligation, pleasing and performing, striving to be perfect, being bullied, and negative energy was easy once I got started. It was clear when saying “no” was really saying “yes” to something else, something more important and meaningful. Like Austin Kleon suggests in Steal Like an Artist:

image by austin kleon

It got harder when I had to start choosing between two things I wanted and loved, when I only had the time, space, and energy for one of them. That’s NOT so easy. Everything left after the first round of elimination is all desirable and loveable, worthy of my time and attention, but I can’t do everything.

2. There is enough time, and time is short. This seems like a brain teaser, and yet the truth of it is so clear. We all know exactly what it means. We don’t need to push, we can relax, but impermanence is real. This video is a perfect illustration of this truth.

Lotte Time Lapse: Birth to 12 years in 2 min. 45. from Frans Hofmeester on Vimeo.

3. Rest and relaxation are key, to balance out all the working and effort. I need to fully learn this, embody it. I need to learn to rest, to slow down, maintain balance. I am headed for a collapse if I don’t, and soon. I need to learn to use my brakes, stop and refuel. I need to pace myself, check myself before I wreck myself.

One wish: That we can all get boring and find the time, space, and energy for what we love most, and let go of what’s no longer working, and RELAX into what is, where we are, as we are, and never forget that gentleness is our superpower.

shambhala mountain center book and gift shop

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. ~Chinese Proverb

1. Truth: I am a writer. This has been the precious secret I have carried and kept for the past 38 years. As I say on my Artist Jill about page, “For so long, I kept this a secret, locked in a box in the very, very center of my heart. It was a tiny bird that I fed lovingly, kept it warm holding it close, tight in my hands, whispering all my secrets to it, but utterly unable to let it fly.”

The retreat this weekend allowed me to claim this, my self as a writer, step into it fully, embody it. It was my moment to take my seat, make a vow, devote myself. At Shambhala Mountain Center with Susan Piver is the most sacred and holy way I could do so, in a weekend filled with bravery, open hearts, meditation and writing practice. I will forever think of my writing life in terms of before this retreat and after.

me in an aspen grove on the way to the stupa

When Susan looked me in the eye and said such open-hearted, kind things about my writing, when I got feedback from my accomplices there, when I made a room full of people cry with the raw honesty of my words–I felt a confidence about my writing that has been a long time coming. I felt peace, clarity, stillness, and was able to take risks, without hesitation. I was able to see the totality of this practice–that at first, alone with the words and space, I notice things, understand, explore my curiosity, and experience basic goodness, and then when I share my writing, dedicate the merit, offer the finished pieces in the hope it might benefit others, I serve, and somehow, even if in only a small way, there is less suffering in the world.

my feet on the floor of the great stupa of dharmakaya

2. Truth: I don’t need permission. For a long time, I waited for this. I thought I had to be granted the right to write, or that I had to earn it, prove myself, gain credentials or pass some entrance exam, pay a fee, apply for a passport to be able to live a writing life. What I realize now is I don’t need the go ahead, nod, nudge, okay from any external source. I simply need to be who I already am, to manifest what is already there, whole and unbroken. I didn’t have to change at all, just step into, sink into what was there already, has always been there, or rather what has always been here.

heart-shaped moss in front of shambhala lodge

3. Truth: All I had to do was start. Eric told me yesterday, “you’ve done more writing since starting your blog than you have in years.” He’s right, and all I did differently than before is to start. There is no magic, no complicated series of steps. Instead of waiting for something to happen, all I had to do was happen. Begin right where I was, write before I was ready. “Waiting is the fear, starting is the fearlessness, ” (Susan Piver). All I had to do was relax, soften, and begin–one breath at a time, one word at a time, open my heart and meet reality, what is, as it is, right where I stood.

One wish: Whatever you are waiting for, wishing for, that you can let go of the waiting and the fear, let go of whatever obstacle you have placed in your own way and begin. That you realize you are already whole, already good. You are precious, just as you are, brilliant. Don’t hesitate to let your light shine, dear reader. You have no idea who you’ll help out of the dark, and in the meantime, you’ll be lighting your own way.