Three Truths and One Wish

1. “I love you, but I’m letting you go.” Not you, kind and gentle reader. Not this blog either. It’s something that Elizabeth Gilbert posted on Facebook this morning, something I was just talking about with a new friend yesterday afternoon. I need space in my life, need to ease up, but it’s complicated because the things I would need to start saying no to are things I love, things that are brilliant and wonderful, things I want to experience and do, but if I’m being honest, things I can’t fit into the finite, limited amount of time I’m alloted. I can’t do ALL THE THINGS. Elizabeth ends her post by saying, “I don’t know what the thing is (or things are) that you need to start saying no to, in order to live the life you keep saying you want. But I have a suspicion that perhaps YOU know. Is it maybe time?” *sigh*

2. I struggle with three types of laziness, sometimes all three at once. These are the kinds of laziness referred to in my Buddhist practice tradition. Adreanna Limbach gives the best description I ever heard of them. She says the three types are: having a lack of vision, speedy business, and disheartenment. We forget our intention, why we’ve said “yes” to something in the first place, lose our sense of purpose, and this can make us feel stuck, apathetic. Or, in a culture which sees productivity as a virtue, we fill up our time doing things that aren’t in line with our vision, our intention, our mission, and we treat busyness as a badge of honor. And finally, we might feel unworthy or disappointed in our efforts and lose patience, maybe even give up.

3. Luckily, there are antidotes to my behavior, this laziness. I can reconnect with my intention. I can sit with myself, sink into my own innate wisdom and consider what I might need to let go of, what I really want. I can prioritize what really matters, give it my attention and time, and say no to everything else — “I love you, but I’m letting you go.” I can show up and practice with joyful effort, become a “deeply disciplined half-ass,” having faith that the seeds I plant will come to fruition. And when I feel tired, I’ll rest. And when I feel like giving up, I won’t.

One wish: To reconnect with my intention and have clarity about the letting go, making space for what really matters.

image by Eric

1. Truth: My theme in my yoga classes lately has been “balance.” Specifically what balance isn’t. We often are confused about what it means to find balance, think of it as a fixed point, a place we can get to where we’ll be happy and safe, a place where we can stay. But balance is actually about awareness. Because the conditions of our experience are constantly in flux, changing and shifting, finding balance is really about cultivating an awareness of what is arising and being able to adjust and adapt. The energy of our emotional and physical bodies changes, sometimes as quickly as from one breath to the next. Our health and environment changes, culture and our communities are living things constantly evolving, and the people around us contribute their own shifts. Nothing stays the same, there is no fixed reality. As soon as we find a still point, something comes along to upset it. So balance isn’t about a stable place, but rather about becoming a stable person amidst the chaos and change.

2. Truth: Balance can be hard to find when so many bad things are happening. My health has been a struggle recently which leads to frustration and disappointment. Last night I found out someone I know not only has breast cancer, but got pneumonia and went to the hospital, where she had a heart attack! Other friends are letting go of their sweet dog today, which breaks my heart because I also love her. Another friend has not one but two sick dogs. I could widen the circle to people I don’t know, to world events, and the list would quickly become overwhelming.

3. Truth: Even though it’s complicated and hard, balance is a worthy pursuit. It seems a little crazy, considering the point of balance is constantly shifting, and that you’ll never be able to stop your effort, but what’s the alternative? I’d rather keep trying, stumble and get back up, even if the steadiness and stability I manage doesn’t last. I know from experience that the longer I work at it, the stronger I get — it’s harder to knock me down and I get up much quicker. I’m not indestructible, I’m vulnerable, but I’m not giving up.

One wish: That whatever knocks us down isn’t so big we decide to stay down, that no matter what happens we are able to get back up, that we ask for help if it seems like too much, and that no matter what we never give up. Along with that, a little sweetness wouldn’t hurt. ❤