Poudre River, from our walk yesterday morning

1. Truth: I push myself too hard, don’t know when to slow down. In fact, the only way I slow down is to crash, crap out, collapse. I just want so much, want to make things better, love all the things and all the things break my heart and I want to fix all the things. If I know of something that could help, I want to do it right away and not stop until it’s done. And I end up so tired and overextended, way before I even realize I’ve taken it too far.

2. Truth: I know I’m not the only one. So many other women, people I admire and respect and try to be more like, are also running themselves into the ground trying to be good, to show up, to be brave, to make things better. It’s so funny how wholeheartedly I can wish rest and peace for them but somehow not be able to give the same to myself.

3. Truth: Sunshine helps. Naps help. Sometimes sugar and tv even help. Yoga is good, so is more sleep. A glass of cold water is usually a safe bet. Getting told thank you and I love you and you are awesome is also nice. Focusing just on what absolutely has to get done right now and letting the rest go feels workable. Getting up and stretching, moving around is sometimes the key, but other times sitting or lying down does the trick. Sometimes I need to be reminded that I am good, that it’s okay to slow down, to stop even.

One wish: May we rest, may we find ease, may we know that we are loved and remember that we are good, no matter what.

1. Truth: It’s not good to get comfortable in knowing. Just because I know something doesn’t mean I should stop learning, allow that knowledge to become fixed, solid, unmoving. Getting comfortable with what I think or believe makes me stagnant and dumb. Things are constantly changing, as they always and will continue to do, and good people are doing research, finding and sharing new information all the time. I must stay open to this, curious, because if I stay stuck in my current state of knowing, eventually I will be wrong.

2. Truth: Resisting change generates suffering. Resistance to new wisdom eventually turns aggressive, violent. Holding on too tightly to what I want to be the truth, wanting it to remain even when its nature is to dissolve and fall away hurts. And depending on how tightly I cling, how violently I resist, I can become a danger to others too.

3. Truth: Not knowing is better. There’s a teaching in Buddhism, “only don’t know,” which recommends cultivating a state of not knowing, of curiosity, and resting there. The poet Rumi describes it as a field, “beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing” and says “when the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about.” Pema Chödrön says,

Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all. When there’s a big disappointment, we don’t know if that’s the end of the story. It may just be the beginning of a great adventure. Life is like that. We don’t know anything. We call something bad; we call it good. But really we just don’t know.

One wish: May we cultivate a state of curiosity, opening ourselves to new possibilities for compassion and wisdom, letting what we knew, what we were so sure of, so certain about, fall away without resistance.