Tag Archives: Celebrate

#augustmoon2013 Day 22

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Midday

lovebugsbirthdayToday, at midday, I was wrapping a present for my soon to be 15 year old niece. She told me when I saw her this summer, “I’ll be able to get my permit, drive a car — can you believe that?” How she got to be 15, how it is that she’s not still the tiny little girl who would pretend to read the newspaper while she twirled her feet or the one who would sing “I’m coming up, so you better get this party started” every time she walked up the stairs or the one who loved watching Scooby Doo and eating broccoli with cheese or scrambled eggs with ketchup and answered to Love Bug — this I can’t understand.

I told her in the card I wrote her that it was hard to believe she was already 15 because so much of the time it feels like I’m still 15. And yet, Eric and I have been married almost 20 years, Obi and Dexter lived their whole lives with us and are now gone, we’ve been in this house 12 years already, I’ve been at CSU for 13, and I’ll be 46 in a few months. Time goes so fast, life goes so fast, too fast. Taking a deep breath at midday and telling Jessamy that loving her is one of the truest things there is, it’s all I can do to slow it down.

Wishcasting Wednesday

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WinterJamie

image from jamie’s post. i haven’t wishcasted in a few weeks, and oh how i’ve missed it.

What is your Winter wish?

To hibernate, like the marmots, turtles, bumble bees and bears. To do as nature does and slow down, lie dormant, get still and quiet for a long deep rest.

For stillness and quiet, for space and ease.

For twinkly lights, the kind white blanket of snow, the smell of pine and cinnamon, the taste of peppermint and ginger, the sound of those old classic Christmas carols sung by voices still remembered and loved but long gone, wool socks and down blankets and flannel pjs, 100 different kinds of cookies, connection and laughter, so much that my face and stomach hurt from it.

For acceptance, this year is what it is and thankfully it’s too late now to change it, to do any kind of catching up or extra credit, there’s no going back, no do-overs, no amount of rushing or overworking will amount to any value, so I wish to take comfort in the surrender–this is what it is, I am what I am, here is here, now is now, this is a gift and it’s time for celebration.

And always, if there is wishing to be done, and if Winter will be the time, I wish for Dexter an easy death, with as little suffering as possible, and that he know how much he is loved, that I can open up to his loss and feel the full measure of grief, equal to the love.