Category Archives: Three Truths and One Wish

Three Truths and One Wish

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1. Truth: “Fear is the cage, and love is the key.” I can’t find the origin of this quote to be able to credit it to anyone, but maybe that’s appropriate–it’s so universally true that every wise and kind being (i.e. all of us, eventually), every being that’s ever lived long enough to know pain and loss, to be confused and generate our own suffering has known this to be true. Fear is like metal bars, chains, a dark room with thick walls and a locked door, the razor teeth of a crazed wild animal, something sharp and strong that traps you in its grip, no matter how hard you struggle against it. And love? Love is the softening, unlocking, relaxing, gentle release, tender wash of gratitude and ease, letting go–freedom.

2. Truth: Suffering turns me to practice, to the dharma (i.e. truth). If my life were easy, no problem, infinite, there would be no reason to practice. If I had everything I wanted, felt no pain, didn’t suffer or need anything, I would be content as is, there would be no motivation to deepen my spiritual life. Practice doesn’t make the bad stuff go away or stop it from coming, but it enables me to cope, to stay, to show up as I am and stick with reality as it is.

3. Truth: Hope and fear are equally problematic, both cause me to suffer in the way that they turn my mind from this moment. Confidence and courage, however, are about showing up, here and now, and sticking around, no matter what happens. Being who I am–shaky, raw, afraid, flawed, messy, and completely brilliant. Being where I am, with what is, not running away or rejecting or numbing out, staying with my experience in the present moment, standing where I am, standing in the truth, where life is.

One wish: That we wake up to our lives exactly as they are, see truth and reality as it is and stay with it, just as we are right now. That we have the confidence, the courage, and the compassion to continue showing up and sticking around, and that through our presence, we can be a comfort to others as they attempt the same.

Three Truths and One Wish

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1. Truth: Self-care doesn’t always look how you’d expect. I don’t know about you, kind and gentle reader, but sometimes I confuse self-care with either total indulgence or complete purity, weekly mani-peds and daily bubble baths or becoming a vegan who meditates two hours every day. I get caught up in either being a pampered princess or a minimalist nun, or some weird mix of the two extremes. In fact, self-care is just that: taking care of yourself, that simple. Some moments that means a whole, organic, meat-free or even entirely raw meal, but other times that means a long morning nap followed by pancakes for lunch, watching sitcoms and staying in your pjs all day.


2. Truth: Self-care requires self-awareness. You have to know and love yourself really well to understand what you need and when, what is a real need and what is an attempt to resist reality, avoid the hard stuff. What you hunger for, what you need and want, is a constantly shifting and evolving set of desires. There won’t be a list you make at one moment of your life that applies to every other moment. Developing a relationship, a friendship, a full on love affair with yourself, a deep down knowing, a wholehearted connection, is what will enable you to provide the very best self-care, and oddly enough is also the most direct path to being able to help others.

3. Truth: I am the one and only constant in my life. I will be separated from all others at some point through changing relationships, geography, and death, but I will never lose myself. Any abandonment or loss of self is simply a momentary confusion, a crisis of faith. That higher, true, core self is always there, that basic goodness that is wise, compassionate, and powerful. It will only die when I do. We will never be separated.

One wish: That we all have a deep, healthy, sane, wholehearted relationship with ourselves. That we have faith in our own capacity for wisdom, compassion, and strength. That our connection to ourselves and others gives us confidence and courage, knowing that we are never alone.