Gratitude

1. Morning walks. This is the time of year when because of the cooler temperatures and more moisture, the sky turns magical, which is why most of my pictures this week were of the sunrise. It was really cute this week when we walked at Kestrel Natural Area because the last two times we’ve walked there, at the very same bend in the trail, we’ve run into my friend Mary Ellen on her morning walk. Well, apparently she’s now also Ringo’s friend because as soon as we got close to that particular corner, he started to speed up, and when he saw her round the bend, his whole body started to wiggle and he was whining, and as soon as we caught up to her, he started barking and tugging on his leash. He does the same thing when we get close to Theresa’s studio, another friend he gets to visit on one of his morning walks with me.

2. Practice. I was back at Red Sage this week and we had a dog friend practicing with us who reminded me a lot of my first dog Obi. We considered skipping our Friday morning writing practice this week. There were only three of us and two of us are big fans of canceled plans and never feel like we have enough energy or time for the day ahead, but we rallied and I’m so glad we did. The poems we wrote to were amazing, the fellowship was as magic as always, and turns out I really needed it. I’ve been meditating extra, doing my regular sitting practice and also a body scan meditation every day, as I’m doing a solo version of the eight week MBSR (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction) program created by Jon Kabat-Zinn using his meditation app and his book, Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness — because, y’all, being human is hard.

3. Fall. It is officially full on here. I’ve been wearing hoodies and wool socks, using my favorite down blankets to cuddle on the couch, getting in to bed and at first actually being cold (I sleep so much better when it’s cooler), being constantly stunned by the golden trees and sky, saying to Ringo “hurry, get back in here, it’s cold out there!”, and in general enjoying slowing down. If I were an animal, I’d probably be one of the ones that gets real fat and then hibernates all winter.

These are some of my favorite pictures of fall, when the world slows down and turns golden for a brief moment.

4. Mom. Still there, still getting good care and company, still smiling, still remembering us. My brother said recently, as we were talking about how she was sleeping more and quieter in general, “but I can still make her laugh.”

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. It was Eric and I’s 32nd wedding anniversary this week. The smartest, best thing I ever did was marry him, and I’m so grateful, so lucky. Ringo’s belly continues to get better and I’m so grateful for that.

Bonus joy: library books I can check out online and load on my Kindle without ever having to leave the house, getting in the pool, the hydromassage chair, sitting in the sauna, Liminal’s spicy sesame bowl, therapy for both my mind and my body, a massage with Dana, groceries, good TV, listening to podcasts, hot coffee and green tea while I read and write in the morning, cheese, oats, the way the top of Ringo’s head smells, a dog sigh, puppies, other people’s kids and dogs, the last of the blooming things (Seriously, my Rozanne/Cranesbill geraniums never stop! And, the bees love them), strawberries, a warm shower, Grapefruit Bubly, Reese’s seasonal shapes (which I like WAY better than their regular cups because the shapes have more peanut butter and less chocolate), toast, libraries and librarians, poets and poetry, comedy, documentaries, gummies, down pillows and blankets, open windows, my Shakti mat, naps, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.

1. Morning walks. This week, I saw a heron standing in the river fishing for breakfast. They usually startle pretty easily and when Ringo sees one he barks and scares them away, but this time we were at a bend in the river where the trail is up a slope and the grass is tall enough to block Ringo’s view and for some reason the heron was okay with me watching it, so I took a million pictures. We also saw a bunch of deer — this year’s babies have lost their spots. Everything is turning to gold and it’s just so gorgeous.

2. Practice. I canceled my yoga class this week because I was having too many big feelings, so I missed out on that community practice. I did get to write with my Friday morning sangha and it was its usual magic. I meditated extra this week because I really needed it.

3. Mom. She’s still there, still getting good care and company, still forgetting most things except for us. My brother was visiting the other day and said she couldn’t remember Lia’s name, was asking where the front door was, wanting to be rolled out, and was holding a small framed picture of Dad that sits on her table and when he asked her who the picture was, she said, “Papa.” It would have been their 61st wedding anniversary yesterday. It feels like an awful thing to want, but I sometimes wish Dad would come get her, if that’s how it will happen, if they’ll get to be together again somewhere. It’s just so hard to watch her body and mind fail her and for her to not be able to understand what’s happening, to be so confused about where she is and why she can’t go back to her life the way it used to be.

4. Being able to start over, begin again. It’s one way I’m able to not be so hard on myself — none of it matters, the ways I mess up, the ways I fail, the ways I disappoint and abandon myself, because as long as I’m still breathing, I can always try again.

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. With Eric being so busy this semester, gone more often or preoccupied, I’m especially grateful for the weekend moments when he’s here. When my dad was dying, he asked me once, “Do you like spending so much time with Eric?” and I said “Yeah, he’s my favorite person” and Dad nodded, “I thought so.” Give me Eric, a dog or two, a good book, some down blankets and pillows, and a good place to cuddle, and I am so happy.

Bonus joy: green grapes, strawberries, Gotham Greens Caesar Salad kit, stickers, Penzey’s Spices, Sunday morning Pilates, good TV, movies, listening to podcasts and music, getting to see Chloe’, rabbitbrush, new books, a warm shower, clean sheets, a couch that is comfortable enough to sleep on, groceries, finishing the laundry, gummies, online scheduling, being able to access my medical test results online rather than waiting for my doctor’s office to call, blog comments, sharing reels with Shellie and Carrie and Kari (one of the only reasons I’m still on social media), good news, turning the calendar to a new month, pay day, other people’s pets and kids and gardens, soup, toast, texting with my brother, naps, libraries and librarians, poets and poetry, comedy, documentaries, true crime, time lapse videos of other people making art or flowers blooming, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.