Category Archives: Dexter

Gratitude Friday

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This post is a mashup of The Little Bliss List and Joy Jam, and as such is meant to celebrate: the little things that brought me hope and happiness this week, the sweet stuff of life, those small gifts that brought me joy this week. By sharing them, I not only make public my gratitude, but maybe also help you notice your own good stuff and send some positive energy out into the world.

1. Amazing women. Judy for her big love, Julia for her broken heart, Jessica for her brilliant wisdom, Sherry for her kindness, Chloe’ for her generosity, Amy for her tireless charity, Tina for her grief, Andrea for her vibrant vision, Susannah for her trailblazing, Erica for her quiet, Rachel for her well-fed wisdom, Hannah for her gentle effort, Susan for her tenderhearted warriorship, Patti for her strong offerings, Stephanie for her noticing…I could go on and on.

2. My aunt’s fabric art. I received two more of her pieces recently, one from her and one from my mom. I absolutely cherish each one, feel as if I am the caretaker of a precious collection, am inspired by them to do my own creative work and feel love radiating from each one, every design, every color, every stitch.

3. Some time alone. Eric took the dogs to Lory State Park this morning, giving me about three hours of unscheduled, unplanned, and oh so spacious time alone. I need this, even more often than I’m able to get it. As a highly sensitive person, an introvert, the constant noise and presence of other beings is sometimes hard for me, to always have a radio on in the background, to sometimes have multiple noises happening at once especially if I am attempting to focus on something else, to have the constant need of another to consider, can be distracting, overwhelming, and irritating…and yet, when I’m alone, the quiet can sometimes be too much.

4. Fall Break. I only had to work one day after all, and even though I’d like a whole year off (forever?) from my current paid work, this time was such a good thing–sleeping in some days, not doing too much, extra time with Dexter, a focus and mindfulness that’s difficult when I am otherwise so busy.

5. Apple pie oatmeal. The recipe is simple, make a normal serving of oatmeal and add a few spoonfuls of apple pie. Yum!

Bonus Joy: another week with Dexter.

big d with his little d

Book Writing Saturday

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Sometimes writing is a lot like the way my mind works when I am walking with my dogs–a collection of random thoughts, a flood of images and phrases, moments of amazement and suffering, even of boredom. If these things are connected at all, it’s by the crazy maze my heart makes, the pattern of my breath, a map written in the blood ink of a warrior and traveled in dreams, both awake and asleep, only making sense in a way that’s beyond any language, but is still so completely true and knowable, tangible.

Walking with Dexter today, it was both an entirely new walk and every walk we’d ever taken. We were together and alone, completely connected in some moments, while in others we were limited to our ability to physically connect. I remembered, anticipated the grief that comes from one of us losing that physical reality, that body that can be known, seen and touched, and how when love loses its ability to attach to that, that reference point, that thing that can be held, we can become confused, lost, believing (wrongly so) that love goes with the body, that it ends there, with that physical separation. I spend now, this walk, memorizing his body, the way he moves, his soft fur with all it’s amazing colors, how serious he is about the walking but at the same time how much joy he feels doing it, the way he looks at me, his smile, his shadow, but also knowing that when that body is gone, the love we have will remain.

I stepped in poop while we were walking. It made me think, “when you don’t clean up after your dog, someone else will step in it.” It made me laugh, because that’s true about life in general, the choices we make: if you don’t clean up your mess, don’t tend to your shit, it will become someone else’s problem. Then when I got home and was cleaning up our own yard, actively dealing with my own shit, I managed to step in another pile, “my own” mess. If I continue with the metaphor, I’m not quite sure what that means–even when you are dealing with your issues, cleaning up after yourself, you might still get dirty, get hurt?

And later, inside, a post on Facebook from Your Inner Pilot Light, which said:

Love feels crazy vulnerable, doesn’t it? Love can drop you to your knees. Love can break your heart. Love can crush you if you let it. But what’s the alternative? Closing your heart? Shutting out love? Choosing fear instead? Nope. I know you, precious. And you know better. You know that love can also open you up. Love can make you giddy. Love leaves you feeling radically alive. Love improves your health. Love connects you, not just to other people, but to me, to Source. Love is the antidote to fear. What do you choose, darling?

I choose love, always love, which guarantees that I’ll be hurt. Maybe that’s the point, the pattern, the message of all the random thoughts, the moments big and small, the piles of shit, the love and the loss–life is beautiful and brutal, tender and terrible, but keep your heart open anyway, surrender to what is, stay awake, experience all of it. This is the way to live, to be fully alive. Of course, Dexter already knows all of this.