Looking Down

Eric and Sam went hiking without me today. I had planned to go with them, but this morning decided I shouldn’t. My right quadriceps muscle has been tender and irritable the past few weeks, getting tight and sore when I don’t pay attention, work it too hard. The last time I ignored an issue like that in my knee, kept hiking and running and pushing it anyway, I ended up with an injury that took almost a full year to rehab. I don’t want to do that again.

Now that I’m older, I have to give my body a different kind of attention. I can’t ignore the aches and pains like I used to, can’t insist that we keep moving in spite of them because any small thing can turn into a big thing, something chronic if I’m not careful. It sucks. I wanted to go hiking this morning so bad. I don’t want to be limited or held back, resist accepting this reality, the experience of an aging body.

Baring illness or accident, the women in my family live a long time. I can reasonably expect to make it to my early 90s if I continue to take care of myself. That’s great news, (and yet at 45, I am at the peak of my life, a literal middle age, half way there already). I’m looking forward to the wisdom, the ease that comes with time, even if I do have to take a lot more naps.