1. Morning walks. Still not quite there yet but just knowing I will be soon is enough.
2. Yesterday was my mom’s birthday. Today would have been my dad’s 83rd. It feels weird that I can’t call him and tell him “Happy Birthday” or “I love you.” I lit a candle when I meditated this morning, which is as close as I can get, I suppose. Maybe I need to visit a Wind Phone.
3. Chloe’. She knew it was my dad’s birthday today, so yesterday, she brought ME a card and a slice of cake and a hug. She really is one of the best humans I know.
4. Good food. Yesterday it was a biscuit with strawberries and strawberry rhubarb jam along with a zucchini egg bake with caramelized onions. Last week I made raspberry bran muffins and chocolate chip oatmeal cookies with toasted walnuts. When Eric gets home from his run today, we are going out to lunch, and for dinner I’m making breakfast burritos using the last of the fresh eggs from Shaun. When you have such a long history with disordered eating, it’s a huge thing to feed yourself, to enjoy what you eat.
5. My tiny family, small house, little life. Things can be hard but as long as I have this, I’m okay.
Bonus joy: getting in the pool and the sauna, naps, listening to podcasts, watching good TV and movies, clean laundry, a warm shower, things turning green and blooming, bird song in the early morning, twinkle lights, that corner of the couch, making art with Janice, texting with Chloe’ and Carrie and Chelsey, sweet Kari spending those last days with her dad, the pictures she sent of him with his dog, all the dumb things that make Eric and I laugh, just sitting on the couch with him talking about everything and nothing, hugs, when Ringo comes in from outside and his head is warm and he smells like grass, writing with my Friday morning sangha, scheduling yoga classes for June, Jennae’s new puppy who looks like a brown version of Obi and is named Porkchop, talking with Frank, seeing Shelby, patchouli, daffodils and forsythia, sunshine, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.
Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray) 
I resonate with a lot of this – being grateful for the little things in life, especially our “little lives” in our small homes. I also have disordered eating – feeling guilty about what I should or shouldn’t eat, feeling fat, feeling guilty if I eat too much of something “bad”. It was how I was raised; the messages from my mother. She’s almost 84 and still obsesses about her body (insert eyeroll). I’ve made a bit more peace with mine.
Wind phones: there’s one in a town (Evanston, IL) about an hour’s drive away. We actually visit this town several times a year, but have never been to the wind phone. Do I want to talk to my son this way? I’m not sure…
Disordered eating is so normalized in our culture, which means it gets reinforced from every direction. For years, I thought I was just being “healthy” but it was the furthest thing from health. And I know what you mean about the phone — part of me wants to try it but part of me resists it.
I didn’t know there was a wind phone in Evanston!
Oh friend, I am so glad you have Chloe. The world needs more Chloe’s. It also needs more Jill’s.
❤