Category Archives: Eric

21 Years

weddingus

October 9, 1993

21 years ago today, Eric and I got married. We sort of eloped, although our parents knew it was happening. We’d called to tell them, and since we were already engaged, they weren’t surprised. In fact, when I called to tell my parents, I said to my dad, “I have something to tell you,” and he immediately said, “you got married!” I said, “no, not yet — this weekend,” and he answered, “I knew you wouldn’t wait.” We dressed in green and expected to be there alone, but our roommate Randy showed up at the last minute with a disposable camera, the only reason we have any pictures of the event at all.

Eric lived in Colorado when we first started dating and I was in Oregon. He was getting his graduate degree in Philosophy, and had left with no plans to come back. However, during his first summer break, he came back to Oregon to stay with his parents so we could date for real, after months of letters and phone calls and one week long visit when I flew out to Colorado to see him, to figure out what this “thing” between us was, if it might have legs — (he told his dad later that as soon as he saw me get off the plane, he knew he wanted to marry me).

We were engaged by the end of the summer and I moved to Colorado. Our original plan was to return to Oregon the next summer, after Eric finished his graduate degree, and have an actual wedding with guests and a cake. But it became clear right away that it was going to be too hard to wait, that we didn’t want to wait — we wanted to be married, now, so we found a place and a person who could do it and we did it.

anniversaryflowers

flowers from Eric

21 years. I’m not even sure how that happened, how living our life together day by day has already added up, amounted to that. In some ways, it feels like this last one was the hardest won. We’ve lived through some really difficult things in the past few years, some I’ve told you about and some I haven’t. We’ve had long talks about what we want the next 20 years to look like and have had to negotiate differences of opinion. One thing we always have to mediate is the nature of two introverts in partnership, how isolating it can be if we aren’t careful, how content we are to be alone, both together and apart. He makes me laugh, he’s my comfort, my soft place to land. He’s my favorite, my family, my best friend, the problem I chose to have, the choice I make over and over, day after day.

August Break: Handwriting

lovenote02Susannah suggested in today’s prompt that we take a picture of our own handwriting. However when I think of handwriting, I first think of Eric’s, specifically how illegible it can be, how hard it is to decipher a grocery list he’s written. The very next thing I think of in terms of his handwriting though is the love notes he leaves me. I have a box full of them, keep every one. And just in case you think I’m exaggerating, he didn’t know I was posting about this today, and this is the note that was waiting for me on the kitchen counter when I got back from walking the dogs this morning.
lovenote03

Gratitude Friday

1. Ringo is healthy after a rough week — a gash over his eye which required a trip to the emergency vet, two staples and antibiotics; a section of leather glove that he swallowed but successfully passed. Why are puppies and toddlers so hellbent on wrecking themselves?!

2. Sam remains healthy. Now we get to start weaning him off the pain medication he was on because we thought it was a nerve issue.

3. I am sane, things are making more sense, I’m calmer and better able to cope. Thank goodness for practice and a really good therapist.

4. My new responsibilities at CSU. I’m the Communications Coordinator, and as such I get to work with amazing interns, edit and create content for Facebook, our blog, and our website. It’s a really nice convergence of what I’m good at, like to do, and what other people need.

5. We are going to the beach, for sure. We’d been putting off committing completely to the trip when we didn’t know what was wrong with Sam and weren’t sure if Ringo would be mature enough, but we’ve decided and are locked in.

6. The semester is almost over, which means summer vacation is almost here. I might like my job most of the time, but I like vacation, my life better.

7. Ringo seems to have settled into a predictable schedule, which gives us a little more freedom. He’s growing up, even though he still has to be watched constantly because he’s teething and wants to eat all the things.

8. Hard but honest conversations with Eric, that we can have them, that they end with hope.

Bonus Joy: Walking along the river this morning, listening to the sound of the train, the rushing water, and the birds.

Day of Rest

richadlaneI saw this quote from Alex Elle on Facebook this morning, “I’m thankful for my struggle because without it I wouldn’t have stumbled across my strength.” I had a two part reaction to it: a deep down yes, and resistance. I look at the last few years of my life and I know for sure that even though horrible, hard things have happened, it’s because of them that I am so strong, capable of coping with what comes. At the same time, I’m a little angry and worn down from all the work and the suffering, and I want to reject the “gift” that it’s been, what I’ve gained because of it. I just want to be happy. I just want things to be easy.

ringorichadlane

Reading about Cattle Dogs, trying to understand Ringo’s temperment a bit better, I keep seeing people say something like “they are so hard, so much work, but so worth it.” Again — deep down yes, and resistance. He is challenging me, a strong willed and sometimes pushy dog who is super smart. I need so much help to figure out how to best teach him, provide him with the structure and care he needs to become the dog I need. And yet, sometimes I think to myself “what have I done?” I told Eric the other day, “what keeps me from giving up entirely is I know this is the dog we are supposed to have.” Eric answered, “even if he isn’t, he’s the dog we do have so we can’t give up.”

I move towards gratitude, even joy, and definitely surrender. I trust the deep down yes. I am mindful of the resistance while not getting too attached, not letting it hook me. And today, I rest.

 

Gratitude Friday

bluesky1. Spring, warmer weather and blue skies. A dry backyard.

2. Spring Break. I have work to do, but there is a spaciousness about the week that is so nice.

3. Ringo and Sam. They’ve been spending a lot more time together. It makes me so happy to see it.

4. Ringo’s final puppy shots, and his cold being over.

5. New ideas for things I can offer, specifically related to wellness in the workplace.

Bonus Joy:  Laughing with Eric. Last night I was crying, I was laughing so hard.

Gratitude Friday

ericredsky02

image by eric

1. Eric: He gets out more than me lately, takes more pictures. This one has a funny story behind it. When Eric left our house, the sky was the brightest red and he knew it would only last for about 10 minutes, so he ran as fast as he could to the park to try and get a good picture of it, but by the time he and Sam got to the first open field, it had faded to pink. Still a pretty amazing sky, picture if you ask me. Oh, and he also bought me flowers yesterday, not for Valentine’s Day but for being me, for being a good mom to our dogs.

2. Love. Deep and enduring, unshakable. “We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.” ~Robert Fulghum

3. Being a writer. I love it so much. When I’m not writing as much (like recently), the words build up inside of me, my fingers itch and my heart aches, and in my dreams, I’m always writing.

4. My interns at CSU. It’s all the good things about teaching, working with students, without any of the grading or other tedious nonsense.

5. Retirement. I hadn’t had access to my account balance for awhile, set it up to only receive e-documents and then could never figure out how to get into my account. When I finally did, I was so happy to see the amount, so grateful for it.

Bonus Joy: The trainer who stayed after puppy class answering all my questions. All of my dogs have been hard puppies, and a full Blue Heeler is a whole other level of hard. I also seem to have total amnesia when it comes to how this whole puppy thing works, how long it takes for the uber puppy constant attention to be over.

ringoearsBonus, Bonus Joy: Sam. How lazy he is in the morning, how content being walked, fed, and loved. How well he’s made this transition, even though he’s not completely well. How he shifted so easily to not being crated when we aren’t home, mostly just hangs out on the couch and sleeps — we know this because we’ve videoed him a few times to be sure. How good he is playing with Ringo, even though we have to limit how much he does.

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Gratitude Friday

image by eric

image by eric

1. Ringo. His first vet visit went well — our vet, whose been one for almost 50 years, said “the way he’s letting me handle him, I can tell he’s going to be a super dog” — he’s sleeping so good (slept in until 6 am this morning, with one potty break at 3:30 am), will entertain himself in his crate long enough for me to finish this blog post, and is in general less bitey and crazed.

with that spot of black on his left cheek, he looks like he's always smiling

with that spot of black on his left cheek, he looks like he’s always smiling

2. More snow. Our backyard was getting pretty soupy yesterday with the last snow melting, and with the ground covered again, there’s less stuff for Ringo to get into, try to eat.

3. Yoga practice teaching. We’ll pair up tonight and practice, and I noticed yesterday that the full group warmup session I signed up for will be when we are on retreat at the Shoshoni Ashram — so cool.

4. Feeling better, more confident and at ease, settled. I don’t know if I told you, but I was in a bad way, feeling pretty awful — oh wait, that’s kind of all I’ve been talking about. :)

5. Eric. I know I’ve said this before, but I just couldn’t do it without him.

Bonus Joy: Sam. I still worry about him, feel sad about his jaw and the irritation it causes, the restriction it requires, but I love him so much. He’s such a good dog.

ericsamfrozenriver

image by eric