Taking My Time

I’m in this strange space, this odd state today. It feels a bit like being hungover or jet lagged. I think it’s actually World Domination Summit love lag, a possibility hangover accompanied by waves of wonder and magic aftershocks that has brought about a sabbath, a day of rest that fell midweek.

I’m exhausted, existing in a whole other time zone, another reality. All I could manage today was walking the dogs, a shower, eating, and a long nap. This kind of day used to send me into fits. I’d power past the tired and overwhelm, keep working anyway, to the point of collapse or illness, chanting “have to, should, must, already wasted too much time.” I’d drag myself, push and pull and bully and smash myself to bits to get from this moment to the next, not stopping until I’d reached the goal, which I never did because I was always adding more things, having more ideas, creating more tasks for myself.

which way is up?

Be here now.
Be someplace else later.
Is that so complicated?
~Josh Pais (by way of Danielle LaPorte)

This goal thinking, this endless to-do list, this rush toward the real thing, the important moment, the big accomplishment, the grasping and reaching is exactly the thing that wastes time. It denies this moment, the one I’m in now. Denies my need for rest, to go more slowly, to ruminate and contemplate, to enjoy the ride. It says “hurry up” when I want to lollygag, fool around, dawdle. It rushes to get somewhere else when I long to be here, now.

So for today, I’m allowing myself to take it easy, to go slow, to accept that even if it means I miss out on something, it’s okay. Because what I definitely won’t miss is this moment. It’s all there is, and that’s such a gift, because in this moment there is the sound of the ocean and bird song, sun and a light breeze, two soft and sleepy dogs resting at my feet, my boy on his way to the store to buy vanilla ice cream to go with the peach cobbler he made while I napped, the tap of my finger on the keys and words to string together, and you, dear reader, to tell all this to. There is love and there is time, and that’s more than enough.

I am enough.

what tired looks like

6 thoughts on “Taking My Time

  1. Tina Tierson

    You are that, dear Jill – very enough! Even though I didn’t go the the WDS, I’ve been feeling that love-lag as you accurately describe it. I still have no idea why Kelly Rae invited me to her pre-event gathering. All of you who were there do such exciting things and I don’t. And to tell the truth, I was really nervous about going and almost didn’t. I was feeling too old, too boring, too inadequate, and too tired. But being in that incredible group of women, so many of whom have had major impact on how I choose to live my life, was one of the most amazing exeriences I’ve ever had. I felt completely comfortable and accepted and, yes, even liked! The people I sort of knew just a little beforehand said the most incredibly kind things to me and I actually believed what they said instead of feeling like they were “just being nice.” Everyone was so unbelievably welcoming!! And it was such a pleasure to meet you and put a face on some of the best writing I’ve ever read. (You do know you have a book inside, don’t you?)

    And I want to thank you for including me in yesterday’s blog! That, too, made me realize that I’ve been wrong about many of the judgements I’ve made about myself. Since the weekend (or I should say since Monday evening) I’ve managed to journal , put up a post on Telling True Stories, work on a longer post, take about 50 pictures for Andrea’s Superhero photo class, and made a mind map so my head is not as jumbled! I’ve even managed to walk these last two days (something I know I have to do but almost ever do) and take vitamins. Simple things, I think, but pretty major for me. Self-care is almost always at the bottom of my list. And I’ve got my blog name registered! That’s a very big and scary step! (I had another one on blogger but I never did anything with it. This one will be on wordpress and I have someone to help with it. No more excuses for me! YIKES!

    So thank you again for the nourishment of your writing. I do hope we can spend time together sometime in the future. Maybe in the Bay Area? I think I’m going to buy Mati Rose’s book. I’ve had a burning desire to just MAKE something and sometimes do make earrings, but Mati’s book has wonderful ideas. Perhaps between her book and Kelly Rae’s I might actually get some of that creativity out!

    Take care! I do look foward to your blog posts!

    Hugs,
    Tina

    Reply
    1. jillsalahub Post author

      I love this comment, Tina. And I’m so glad you decided to come that first night. Meeting you helped me to relax. You are right on the edge of starting something, I can just feel it.

      Reply
  2. Sandi Amorim (@SandiAmorim)

    “There is love and there is time,”

    I can relate to these thoughts as I’ve felt this way the past couple of days. Something fundamental has shifted but I don’t know the details yet. I want to know them sooner rather than later, but also know this can’t be rushed. My imaginal cells are at work.

    Reply
    1. jillsalahub Post author

      So true, and it’s so good to feel reinforced by other people who were there and feel the need to take some time with it, rather than rushing forward. I find I am always that way in the beginning, need time to contemplate before I act, to assimilate what I’ve experienced.

      Reply
  3. j

    I read Lissa Rankin’s impressions from the WDS and it gave me chills. I can imagine how discombobulating it would be to have been there and then returned to your life in progress. I love your observation that life-in-progress is important and beautiful and not to be overlooked in our quest to be better and more.

    (Pssst… I highly recommend a hiatus for reconnecting with your deepest self.) xo

    Reply
    1. jillsalahub Post author

      And, add to that I didn’t return to my life in progress but rather my life on vacation. I just feel so unreal, so weird sometimes these days. I didn’t realize Lissa was there, or she would have been one of the people on my list to hunt down and drive by love. Being there, being away always reminds me how great my little life is though, how even though I feel small sometimes, less than, we really are all the same, with the same limitless potential, the capacity for love.

      Reply

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